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Asked by Last Updated:

Feeling overwhelmed and lonely

Help! I have been married 4 years and I am at my breaking point.
We have many issues, but there is one particular issue that is breaking me.
I am rather OCD, which is a difficult thing to deal with when you have a husband, a 1 year old boy, and 2 large dogs.
But somehow my husband makes more of a mess than the other 4 of us combined!! You can point anywhere in the house and there will be his mess — shoes, socks, ties, soda cans, dirty dishes, piles of papers, electronics, garbage, hats, food, empty food containers, toiletries.
just about anything you can think of! But while he’s happy to create a huge mess, he does absolutely nothing to help clean it up.
Even when I was pregnant and working full-time, I was left alone to do all of the cleaning completely by myself and it has been that way for the past 4 years.
Weeding, mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, dishes, laundry, dog crud duty, exercising the dogs, scrubbing the bathrooms and mirrors, deep cleaning the carpets, organizing storage, cooking meals, paying bills, absolutely everything! I even clean his office and car when they get trashed so that his clients don’t get a bad impression of him.
But I am worn out and feeling very frustrated and alone because I never hear any ounce of thanks for all I do.
I can work my fingers to the bone all day but when my husband gets home, all he will do is eat the food I’ve made then book it for the tv and stay there and on his phone ignoring me until he goes to sleep.
I know he works a lot of hours but so do I and dang it, he lives here too!! He needs to act like an adult and help.
But I’ve tried everything and nothing works.
Heck, I even once tried being stubborn and not doing his laundry to show him that his laundry doesn’t magically do itself.
He didn’t care and I finally had to give in after about 3 weeks because his dirty laundry mountain was making our whole house smell like a dump.
I have tried bringing up helping with some of the cleaning but when I do, he complains that I pick on him and that he does enough work by working and he doesn’t understand why he needs to clean too.
I am so tired of dealing with it.
Maintaining a house is already a huge deal, especially when you thrown in a toddler and 2 attention seeking dogs.
I understand he works hard but dang it, he lives here too!! And I’m not his mom or his maid.
I’m his wife.
Please help.
I can’t keep doing this all by myself and I’m tired of cleaning up all his messes and I’m tired of being ignored while he sits and watches tv every waking minute he’s home.
But I’ve tried everything to get my frustration through to him and nothing works.
Help please?

1 Answers

Ted1234 Answered:

Hi Relationships involve a lot of hard work. They also include accepting your partner's faults and habits. My question is, were you always vocal about your issues from the beginning itself when you started living together? Anyway, your husband should still understand your point and work on them as well. You could also try something else- just don't participate in the household chores for a week and see his response. Lastly, if nothing seems to work out just let your husband know that it can't continue like this. He will need t change and participate more in this marriage to work.

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