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Asked by Last Updated:

need help please

ok me and my fiance had been together 12 years.
along time for a young couple.
we met in high school.
I'm 29 now and she is 25.
alright before I ask my question a little back ground.
I cheated last year just a one night stand no real feelings.
I also became distant this year as did she that's why I was so distant.
we hadnt had sex in a year l.
I've made mistakes as well as a younger man.
well last weekend I found out she had been seeing a guy for 5 months.
way longer than I ever have messed with anyone.
I confronted her about it and she admitted but down played it at first.
she's been going to this guys house on and off since 6 months ago.
she says she only went out there 6 times and had sex twice.
which is hard for me to believe.
she was going for like an hour each time.
she says she just wanted to talk to someone because I was acting like she didn't exists.
But why would you drive out to his house and an hour just to talk? but after I found out she was crying telling me she didnt want to be with him she wanted to be with me and she only loved me but didn't think I loved her anymore.
which is false I love her just didnt show it at times.
but if she loves me and wants to be with me why would she still lie about stuff like how many times they had sex.
I really can't believe they had sex only twice if she went six times.
she has told him to never contact her again.
I even asked was his private bigger or better and she swears I'm a better bigger sex partner but i still can't believe if she went 6 times and only had sex 2 times.
do you think that's the truth??she swears it is.
I just don't understand why, why would you still wanna be with me but she's leaving me by myself at home while going to see another person.
why couldn't she just talk to me about her thinking i didn't love her before doing that.
she also says she had stopped seeing him.
But she never told me about the affair I had to find out through a friend.
I just need some advice.
she crys every night asking me to not leave.
idk what to do

1 Answers

CindyBaker Answered:

Hi! You have known her for a really long time, spanning over a decade. This must mean something. If you think you are heavily invested in the relationship and don't want it to end because of a fling, you can both make collective efforts to rebuild your equation from scratch. First, tell her you would only be willing to start afresh with her if she comes out clean about everything she had with him, and not hiding stuff that is bound to come to the surface later. Also, if she is willing to be accountable moving ahead for all her time away from you and is open to the idea of undergoing therapy with you, chances are the that she is genuinely keen to start all over again. Lay some ground rules, for the next innings of your relationship, telling her that there is no room for any infidelity from either of the partners. Also, devote time to each other so neither of you feels isolated again to reach out to other people for companionship. It should all work out well. Good luck with a fresh start. :)

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