How do I lighten up about finances?
Wife and I have been married for 15 years and we have 2 kids.
I tend to worry about finances a lot - wanting to make sure we are saving enough for retirement, emergency fund, kids college, and also trying to pay off what is, in my opinion, a lot of debt.
Trouble is, I also tend to do this in a vacuum - I have my ideas of what is best, what we can afford, etc, and don't do a good job discussing with my wife.
I know we have some differences of opinion on money, and I am afraid to bring these things up.
When she brings up wanting to spend on large-ticket items (new car, big home improvements), I push back, and point out how I want to make sure we have finances in order first.
This has caused a lot of resentment to build up over the years, and I can see why.
We have different views on money, and she takes my constant push-back as not respecting her wants and desires, and only caring about myself.
In my mind I don't see it that way (I'm trying to be a good provider and make sure my family is financially secure), but after several of our recent discussions, it's becoming obvious to me that I am acting like a stubborn jackass toward her, rather than trying to communicate effectively.
She is to the point where she has brought up separation a couple of times, since we can't seem to resolve our differences.
I've told her I want to resolve them, but don't really know how, and she doesn't either.
She feels I have been disrespecting her for a long time, and not taken her seriously.
Where do I even start? She has a very good point.
I mean, what is the point of financial security if the relationship is ruined to get there? How do I get myself to not stress about money issues so much and relinquish a little control?
Hi, The situation that's persistent in your case is a grim one. I have a straightforward and short solution for you, whatever you have written here to make us familiar with your situation is enough for your wife to understand. You can write a letter to your wife mentioning all the points you have said here, and I am quite confident she will understand, or you can try discussing the issue with her. Just be honest and polite and state all your concerns as you have done here on the forum. I am sure once she understands that you have realized your mistake, you guys will be able to work together to frame a plan or structure for your finances. I hope you got the help you were looking for, Good Luck!