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Asked by Last Updated:

What do you do when he isn’t interested in sex, and it’s not going to change?

My husband has some chronic pain issues with his neck, and is on pain medicine and antidepressants.
 With all the medicine in his system he is no longer interested in having sex and on the rare occasion we are together he has trouble preforming.
   It hurts so bad that he isn’t interested in me anymore.
 I know the reason why is because of the medicine, but that doesn’t change the fact that he isn’t interested.
 I want to feel wanted again.
 I’m not sure I can be happy with a husband who has no desire for me.
  He cant stop taking the medication, and I am miserable living in a sexless marriage.
 For me it’s not about the physical issues, it’s about his lack of desire.
 We have found ways to work around the physical problems, like it’s easier for him to preform in the mourning when there is less medication in his system,  but he still doesn’t want too.
 I can’t seem to accept the fact that he isn’t interested in me anymore and I don’t know what to do, especially since it doesn’t seem like he will ever be interested again like we was before.

1 Answers

Henery Brown Answered:

Let me start by saying I’m really sorry for what you're going through. Living in a sexless marriage is one of the worst feelings ever. Not only are you missing out on that bonding and natural stress relief released during sex, but having a partner who isn't interested in being intimate can also bruise your ego and destroy your self-esteem.
Here's the bottom line: This isn't about you.
I know it can be hard to wrap your mind around that, especially when you are feeling so hurt and rejected by your husband, but I can assure you, this is not about you.
What this IS likely about is his chronic pain and antidepressants. Chronic pain is such an awful thing to live with and can make even simple tasks feel impossible to do. Furthermore, the antidepressants he's taking have likely abolished his sex drive and made it difficult for him to maintain an erection.
I would encourage him to talk to his doctor about potentially changing medications or finding ways to work around his low sex drive.
You could also consider couple's therapy and let him know how serious you are about leaving your marriage if things don't change.
There's a great article about living in a sexless marriage that I think you will find very beneficial. I hope that helps!

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