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Asked by Last Updated:

What to do when your parents and future in-laws don't get along?

I met a girl on a single’s tour.
I was very interested the first time I saw her.
I had the time of my life while visiting  her country.
After I left, we continued exchanging messages through e-mail and hit it off.
I was already 33 years old when we met, and she was 25, but age difference never mattered.
Just 18 months after my first visit, I decided to see her again, and make her mine forever.
Long story short, I proposed, and she said yes.
We were happy with the progress of our relationship.
We told our families the news, and they were just as excited as we were.
Her family wanted us to marry in their hometown and I chose to give in to their request.
This was the first issue we’ve had to deal with.
My mom got so mad at me for agreeing with them, saying I should’ve asked them first.
She actually wanted us to marry in the same church that she and dad married in.
Was I wrong to agree with my fiancé’s parents that quick? After making amends, my family supported me and travelled with the third time I visited her.
What I thought would be an exciting time turned sour real quick.
The first time  our parents met, it was a total disaster.
Our mothers kept bickering, but at least our dads didn’t give us any problems.
My fiancé and I discussed the issue of our parents.
We argued a few days before I returned home because of our parents’ incompatibility.
I don’t want to disappoint her but didn’t want to disappoint my parents.
It’s starting to put a strain on our relationship just as we finished working our papers for marriage.
I don’t know what to do.
Should I just ignore our parents? Should we wait until they settle their differences before marrying? I don’t want things to go out of hand especially since our wedding day is coming up.
Any advice on my situation is very much appreciated.

3 Answers

Kuhn486 Answered:

So, I don't understand the issue unless your parents are planning on being together all the time. My in-laws and my parent don't ever see each other. Maybe one of my kids' birthdays, but to be honest, that's even rare. They don't like it, too bad. Are you planning on living with one side of the parents? Not just a month or so until you find a place type of thing. Unless you plan on having a jolly old Christmas with everyone at your place, I wouldn't sweat it. And if you do, good luck to you! Wish that would happen in my home.

HappyShipping Answered:

Hi there, I understand this is a tricky and annoying situation and have been there too!! I don't believe proposing the wedding should be an option, you fell in love with your fiancee and not her parents. You are entitled to make that commitment to her regardless of two bickering family members. The best thing to do is do what is best for you and your partner right now and the mother-in-laws don't understand naybe you could pull them asida and tell them 'you are sorry but it will make us both happy'. You and your partner when you become married will be a team so no matter what do not fight each other over your parents and be kind and considerate when dicussing each other's mothers. Been there and it's awful, but we got married and now the parents have learnt to accept our decisions even if they dispprove. xx

BruceKent Answered:

Hi sweetman03, It seems like you have finalized a date for your marriage. If you want all things settled before you guys tie the knot, you should consider postponing your wedding. Dad's are always cool, no wonder both of them got along nicely. Mother's are the hardest to please, no surprise they are not getting together. That is the reason you should consider postponing your wedding ceremony until everyone in both families is extremely desperate for the grand event. It's a simple choice you might as well go ahead with your plan, but once the ceremony is over it might become complicated to acclimatize the ladies into one big happy family. Whatever decision you make, be patient and analyze your situation carefully your married life depends upon it. Good Luck!

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