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Asked by Last Updated:

confused- give up or keep trying?

I have been in a relationship with a guy for the past one year, and it was long distance, so we could meet each other only twice.
However, we have been face timing all the time.
Honestly I have not been the best version of me to him and took him for granted.
We had a big fight, I was very rude to him and when we were on a break he said yes to a girl who has been into him for a couple of a years.
She had shown interest in him, but he never reciprocated .
By the time I calmed down and got back to him, he told me that he started seeing her, they slept together and he wants to call it off with me.
I did not want to give up on him, so I apologized and he said he needs time to think.
But a few days later he rang me up and told me that if I had not been rude to him from the beginning he wouldn't have left me for the other girl.
Since they both are from the same city they got enough time to built intimacy whereas the relationship with me has been long distance.
He says it would be wrong from his part if he leaves that girl and come back to me since that would mean that he used her as a rebound.
However, he said he still likes me, but he is choosing her over me since it's too late to change his decisions.
However, I think that I should not give up on him so easily since I truly feel that he is a good guy and should not let him go.
In the beginning of the relationship I used to think that I'm too good for him since I'm better educated and have better social conditions.
Now when he is gone, I really regret taking him for granted and genuinely feel that he is my soulmate.
I feel like I shouldn't let go a good guy so easily, but at the same time I think I shouldn't be pursuing someone who has already decided to call it off with me.
I know it's a lesson for me not to take anyone for granted, but at the same time, I wish I still had a chance with him.

3 Answers

Ohmyowl Answered:

I understand it can be hard for you to see this tru especailly with all the emotion clouding your clear thinking. What you did was wrong by taking him for granted and being rude. You know that so at least you understand what was wrong. People make mistakes. It happens. We want someone who love us enough to give us a chance to be better and be there for us. He had moved on from you already and he didnt hide about it. I know it is sad but personally I think if men can go out with other women they prolly already over women instead of trying to fix and work on whatsoever thats goin on. His direction has changed. When you try to get it back by convincing him and sell yourself hard it devalues yourself in his eyes making you less attractive. What I would do is apologising and let him know i still want us back but leave it at that. He is a persuer. If u start playing his role, it will backfire the result. After all we want someone who doesn't give up on us and work for us and the relationship. Right now it doesnt feel like there are others could can make you feel happier and better than him, but trust me in time you will meet that person. Just learn from your mistakes and love yourself a lot. with love x

HappyShipping Answered:

Hi there, I personally believe if you did not specify any rules within the break he is entitled to sleep with another woman, with breaks rules help clear up expectations. However, if he is clearly still with this girl I would take it as he has moved on and would give up, you are worth way more than any guy who does not see you as a first choice! Sorry to be harsh but if he can't make a decision right away then he is not worth it. If he wanted to be with you he would have slept with this girl once, the fact he is still seeing her and not you makes it clear what he's decision is. I am sorry for this situation x

Lianh_ Answered:

Hey there. Here's my advice. First off, NO guy should be sleeping with another girl while you are on break. "On break" for me means that you two are just taking time apart to think things over. It does not necessarily mean that you are officially breaking up with him. Second, I can see what you mean when you said that he is a good guy where he mentioned that he doesn't want to hurt the other girl by using her as a rebound. But seriously, you can see that he is making you feel bad about yourself by saying "you shouldn't be rude to him" in the first place. He's making you look like you're the one who needs to takes all the blame when he's clearly giving up on the relationship. And by telling you about the other girl he met and slept with means that he's choosing her over you. Why else would he tell you about it? If a guy really loves you and cares for you then he would try and make things work out with by talking in a sensible way. Dont feel bad for letting him go, he's not worth it. He's probably expecting you to come back and make things work out to get that satisfaction of getting the upper hand. Instead, try to prepare yourself for what will happen and ask if this is what he really wants. From there you will really see if he will choose you or not. Based on you're story I can already see that he is not worth fighting for. Don't take "I'll think about it for an answer", it will only keep you waiting for nothing. He needs to make the decision right away if you want an answer. Make him realize what he really wants, is it you or her? Good luck girl. You can do this! :))


Replied on Nov 20, 2017

thank you! :)

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