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Asked by Last Updated:

Hi I would like to get advise on the following , any advise will be appreciated

Ok where to start, my wife and I have been married 16 years and have 2 kids, we are now separated since February when I moved out of the family home.
The reason for the separation is all my fault due to the fact that I hid from my wife that I had bisexual feelings, she caught me out on a few occasions sending pictures and chatting to other men online.
 Every time she caught me she forgave me and we moved on until it happened again where she said enough was enough and asked me to move out while she sorted her head out and decided the way forward.
 This was obviously hard for me to accept as she forgave me all the previous times but I knew it had to be done and we couldn't carry on the way things were, the trust was broken.
  I did as she asked and moved out and got my own place.
The separation was on good terms and there was not fighting and we maintained a very close relationship apart from actually being together.
I see my kids often as I go to the house 5 times a week as my wife works late and someone need to look after the kids and fetch from school.
This arrangement has worked well and is still going well, I make dinner for all of us and we all watch a bit of tv and then I return back to my place.
Now, this is were it gets tricky, shortly after I moved out my wife started seeing another guy, it was kept very quiet at first until I found out about them, I was shocked as she had gone straight into another relationship straight after we separated, I can't be cross as all the times I "cheated" on her was probably worse.
She seems to be happy with this guy and it eats me up inside every time i see a photo of them together or hear my kids talk about him.
I want to try and fix our marriage, I even offered for us to go to counseling but she refused, I understand this is not a quick fix, she is on antidepressants and I'm worried she is not coping.
This new guy seems to be taking over her life, she has taken more photos of them together than we ever did whilst we were together, I'm not sure if this is what they call a rebound relationship but I'm struggling to try fix things with him around.
I am still trying, not sure if its all in vain, i go to the house, i clean for her and, make sure there is dinner for her when she gets in from work, i go shopping with her for food for the house and pay half, my mother brings shopping over on a regular basis and has never questioned her actions and treats her as she always did.
What next, do I carry on as I have and hope things will get better or do I move on with my life and accept she has a new partner.

1 Answers

BruceKent Answered:

Hi guy123,
Firstly, I would like to appreciate your courage to accept your faults and mistakes, not everyone in this world does that. It is sad to know about your marriage, but you have to see things from her perspective also. It is evident that you made a mistake and are now doing everything you can to make things alright. Your wife must be aware of your efforts, but a bond once broken can never be the same again. She might have even forgiven you for what you have done, though it doesn't imply she is ready to move back to the life you guys had. She might have decided to move on, and that is why she has started dating again. I would advise you be honest with her and discuss the matters that concern you. Tell her how you have been feeling and how you see the future of your marriage. Consider her feedback and plan accordingly. It's not a decision depending on individual aspirations but a combined one concerning the ambitions and expectations of the both of you guys.

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