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Asked by Last Updated:

Love of his life?

Hello, first time posting.
 I have been married for almost a year.
I am in my early 30s, husband is 40.
We are already expecting our first baby this winter.
I love my husband and I know he loves me but I feel his ex (and first girlfriend who he was almost engaged to and only other serious relationship he's had besides me) was the love of his life.
They were both 33 when they started dating and it lasted 2.
5 years.
I trust him and they haven't talked since before we got together so I am not worried about her being in his life.
But I feel deep down that he will always love her more, that what they had was more passionate that what we have.
  During our recent move, I found a letter he had written to her.
They had talked about getting married but he had a lot of hesitation because she was not Christian, his family and friends were against it, and they would often have very heated arguments.
They broke up because they got the ring but he couldn't get himself to propose.
Well, in the letter, he said here is a gift (custom engagement ring) no strings attached but that he knows now he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, that he will never love anyone more etc.
That she can keep the ring (which was cost double what mine is btw) and he doesn't expect to hear from her - that he will take that as a sign she's found happiness which is good enough.
I've also found poems he wrote to her, picture folders of her and a file folder dedicated to her on his old computer but he has never done that or had those things for me.
He gifted her so many nice things but he never spent that much on me.
Granted she picked those items out and I am not into brand name items.
I also found a video on his old laptop just kissing her for an extended time.
I can't even remember the last time we just sat there and kissed.
  All of those things with his ex happened before my husband and I met.
I just feel so lost, heartbroken, insecure, guilty for digging through his stuff, and completely selfish for being sad when I should be elated for my baby that is on the way.
I don't know how to resolve the issue.
 I've talked to him but haven't gone into detail yet about the things I've found on his computer.
He says he loves me more than anything that he has never been happier.
Any advice will be appreciated.

1 Answers

BruceKent Answered:

Hi Jane722, First of all, I think you should calm down. Love is a genuine feeling, and one cannot merely fake love. From what you have described it seems like your husband found the love of his life in his ex, but unfortunately for him, it didn't work out well. I would suggest you try and understand his state of mind, unrequited love is hard to forget and would have been harder for your husband as he seems quite like an old school romantic. Bear with him, have patience because such a human is always faithful. They love from the depth of their heart, and that is the reason it is tough for them to recover from an emotional loss. You should focus on the things at hand, like the arrival of a new member of your family, you should not take stress or tension. Emotional chaos is not suitable for your baby. To conclude I would say, you are a lucky woman to have found such a man. I am sure he is devoted to his family’s happiness. You should not look into his past, his romanticism with his ex may have been exceptional but everyone changes with time, and he did too. A tragic emotional experience can completely change a person, but the foundations remain the same. He seems to be one of those rare people who consider Love as a verb and not a noun. So he will do all he can to make you happy, just don't compare his love for you with his past romances.

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