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Asked by Last Updated:

Is this really normal

My husband and I have been together for 20 years and have two beautiful daughters.
 Our sex life has never been of the charts,but now it is non existent, for the last 10 years we have had sex about 5' times.
I am the aggressor which has resulted in the little sex that we have had.
It has also made me angry and down right mean toward him.
He says that she loves me but at the age of 48 years young I feel like I can find companionship elsewhere with less heartbreak.
It hurts to not be desired or wanted in the most natural way.
It's at the point of doughting my love for him.
What can I do to get things back on track after it has derailed so badly.
BTW we tried marriage counseling to no avail.

5 Answers

Kwaps2017 Answered:

I have this issue and i also know how angry and bitter i feel towards my husband as i am as you are the agressor. He has no interest and we have now got to a point where we have sex if i beg him for it. It isn;t you, it's genuinely their issue but in the same breath that doesn't make it any better. I have started doing things for me such as walking, swimming, had a couple of dresses made and started a huge diet to make myself feel better and boost my self esteem. We have had counscelling and he can;t give an answer as to why he doesn't want sex only that he's just not interested and there's no reason why. I took a decision a while back to call all sex a day, i was getting so upset and gry with him andit was just causing a bigger divide between us hence i thought this would be much better to not have the rejection on a constant basis. It has helped our relationship but intimately we have just drifted further apart as in kissing him isn't the same. I think the short answer is you can't force something that isn't there.

Mommaj101 Answered:

I don't have an answer for you except you need to know that the problem is obviously with him NOT you. Don't let this affect your self esteem, I can't imagine what you're going through but please don't think it you because it's not. Good luck!

Cassy68 Answered:

Thank you all for your advice. I have talked to him on several occasions and he says there is nothing wrong medically. Recently I had weight loss surgery hoping it would help us. Now 80 lbs lighter and looking great. Still nothing. He tells me this is normal, there is no one else, give it some time and I still Love only you! But How long do I wait. I am now angry all the time which is not me.Do I just chalk it up to this is now my life ? I know he is not cheating , but he I killing me slowly.

Kbelliott2007 Answered:

Wow, I feel like I am the one asking the question. Me and my husband have been married for 10 years with 2 daughters. I am having the same issues. I will wait to hear the advice. As for find out medically, there is nothing medically wrong with my husband. Nothing. He just isn't emotionally there. And if he is, he doesn't show it.

Ted1234 Answered:

Well first try finding out why your husband does not want to have sex. Probably he some medical issue that is causing his sex drive to fizzle out. If that does not help then probably getting out of the marriage is your only choice. But before you do that, just think once that after 10-15 years there is a chance that your sex drive also vanishes completely but your partner's (whoever that might be) doesn't. How would you feel if your partner leaves you for that? If sex is the only reason that is causing problems between you then you might want to rethink about what you want to do. There are other ways to establish intimacy in a marriage.

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