The question says it all really.
It has been going on at least two years physically and possibly two years before that emotionally she was his affair partner between '97 & 03.
They split, we met, got on with it fairly quickly, I was 40, she was 35.
We now have two girls 11&12 and a dreadful mess.
It has been stop/start (supposedly).
I found out in August is was on again and I moved out.
Since then she overnights with him on a weekly basis after palming the kids off somewhere.
I have told her I will not discuss anything whilst she is still seeing him.
I issued an ultimatum three weeks ago, bin him or it is divorce, I never heard from her so I have met with a lawyer
Thanks Ted, it is like the turkey voting for Xmas. I do not want the split, I feel we could have a very good future given our experiences in this horrible time. How long do I wait?, that is my difficulty. What they're doing can not last and will not last but until it stops I don't think she is capable of rational thought and discussion. She of course, at the moment, will undoubtedly view things differently. She is not a bad person, just extremely mixed up and confused (issues in her formative years) but thinks what she is doing is right because it feels so good.