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Asked by Last Updated:

Filing restraining order from verbal abusive wife

at the risk of sounding "wimpy", I suffer from violent burst of abusive behavior - majority foul language, and verbal assaults from my wife.
These are enough to make a sailor blush so to speak.
We've been together 14yrs, married for 10 of those years.
There is a pattern of course.
She has not worked since 2004, and is usually "civil" to me when there is something coming up that she needs,or wants, then after that, is quickly (within days) dwindles down to I don't exist.
Now, I am just as bad to a point, that MOST of the time, to keep peace, I comply on ALL LEVELS.
But within the last few years, it has been getting pretty rough.
My friends say she has been using me (this I know), and me being passive is just enabling the behavior.
So somewhere about 5yrs ago, I started slowing putting my foot down - I am FAR from submissive, so this sudden change in my attitude only made her resentful, If you say "no" WATCH OUT.
If you tell her to work, or help pay, not good.
Here is her mentality that she over and over admits: Since she is married to me, I have to do it all.
If i ask her to clean the house, cook, laundry, etc.
her response is always the same, I'm not your slave, sex object, maid, cook etc.
 of course, my response is the same to.
what DO YOU DO, since you don't work? and then the spark fily.
In short, she is SUPER SPOILED! Now the fights are loud, and out of control, my even tone, and keeping passive only fuels her anger - she even slobbers when she is screaming obscenities at me.
And on some occasions, I fire back - LIke I said, I am NOT one to tolerate this type of behavior from anyone.
She is diagnosed (supposedly) as someone with religious scrupulosity (I could think of worse things to be addicted to), bi-polar, anxiety disorder, depression.
She self medicates, and sometimes in the bathroom for min 2hrs to 6hrs at a time - NOT in tub.
she has been locked up in mental at least several times - recent one was demons were chasing her - and the police picked her up.
Putting the pieces together, I was able to find out, it was a drug OD.
I've been around, and my diag, is she hospital/doctor hops seeking one that will give her the meds she wants, based on the symptoms she describes.
There is much here that I left out, but it's getting to the point, I am finding it difficult to keep it on an even keel when her outbreaks occur - I do not tolerate it, yet outside a couple defensive "verbal" jabs, Myself and my pets have to endure her evil possessions.
Like I mentioned, I no longer take this sitting down, while I never swear or raise my voice, I do have the ability to lethally verbally fire back as well - I know this is not "allowed" however, I am only human, and my feeling counts too.
And not to mention, I despise it having to go this far.
I just want OUT NOW.
How do I get a restraining order to get her out of the place, until I can get some money to get the divorce? We have no kids, or property, and I believe it is a non-contested as she has of late always screamed she wanted one.
I personally no longer care what her issues are (I used to) but it is destructive, and I am tired of seeing my kittens run and hide, they usually stay close to me if I am there, and when I come home, they are usually hidden somewhere and come out, which tells me she has been ignoring them.
Unacceptable.
Is this even possible? Or is this normal - and men in my position just have to tough it out.
The police know me well, and even give me a hard time (only because of our relationship) - "we can't do anything until you get the divorce".
Sad thing is I am on the financial border, don't make enough to cover it, and make too much for financial aid.
HELP!!

1 Answers

Ted1234 Answered:

Hi I empathize with your situation. It is a complicated case with legal bindings involved. My best solution to you is to see a shrink. Get exact advice on your case and how to go about it. You must also maintain your cool at the same time. It is a bad phase but it will pass.

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Alaneholbrook
Replied on Nov 06, 2017

lol, its a 13yrs phase :-) I don't think me seeing a shrink is the idea.
I am fine, I am with someone that has become totally unreasonable, and only goes to her "shrink" or doctor or w/e to get her meds updates.
And lately she has not been to see the doc, as I think they are on a 3 month cycle for refills (I think).
As a matter of fact when deciding if she should work, its based on if it will affect her medication and availability.
Sound familiar? and now the violent outbreaks with her are worse.
I don't trust her, and not sure if that is enough to warrant a R.
O.
Thanks for answering.
.
.

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