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Asked by Last Updated:

What do I do with this relationship, I wanna know if I'm being unreasonable?

This is going to be a bit long, please cope with me and help me out.
I'm 22 and my girlfriend is 28.
This is my second relationship and so is hers.
we've been going out for an year now.
To tell a little about my first realtionship, it happened when I was schooling and that relationship lasted for almost 6 months.
And on the other hand, my girlfriend's first relationship was almost 10 years.
I have known her for 2 and a half years and had crush ever since I saw her.
She broke up with her ex in last year May, and I asked her out after 4 months, she said yes and it all worked out fine.
I was already in love with her when we started going out and I still love her so much! She was talking to her ex once in every month when we started going out, cause she said eventhough they broke up they're still good friends, I was totally fine and had no issues with that.
But the first 4 months in our relationship, all she talked was about him.
Everytime we hang out or together, the ONLY thing she talked was about him.
well, for the first two months I thought, she was with her ex for 10 years and its going to take a while for her to completetly get over that realtionship.
After 4 months it got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore and I talked to her about it and I explained how uncomfortable it is, she seemed to understand and said that she won't do it anymore, but she kept doing it again until I started a fight and went through an arguement and she stopped it after that (at least I thought she stopped it), but she still kept talking about him without mentioning his name, and we went through another fight to stop that.
2 months back she wanted to go to London to sort some documents ( her boyfriend and most of her friends are in London).
She was only going away for a week and she said she wanted to try and meet her ex and all her friends.
She texted her ex and all her friends to schedule dates to hangout while she's there.
Her ex texted back saying that he doesn't wanna talk or meet anymore cause his girlfriend was getting anxious whenever he talks to my girlfriend.
She called me right after she got that text and cried all night, I honestly didnt know how comfort her at that point cause it was kind of made me feel weird about that, and she was upset for days after that happend and she got annoyed at me for everything just because of that (she told me that was the reason why she was getting annoyed).
And then we somehow ended up fighting, and I asked her a couple of things like, she shouldn't talk to him anymore either and remove all the photos of them together from facebook, which I later realized everything I asked was unreasonable and not fair.
Anyway we didnt finish the fight cause she had to leave to the airport, so I said we'll talk about this when you come back.
And she left.
She couldnt talk to me properly when she was in london, because of the time differences and she was busy meeting her friends.
But everytime we spoke she sounded upset, I apologized for everything that I asked her to do during the fight and I explained her that I wasn't thinking straight and so unreasonable of me to ask such things.
But even after I apologized she was still upset.
And then she came back from London after a week.
We went for dinner and I apologized again about the fight before she left to London, she said its okay.
And then I asked her about the trip and her friends.
She started talking about all her friends and then she said she mailed her ex again to try and meet him, she showed me the mail right after that, it was a long and pretty deep mail explaining how he cant not talk to her anymore after knowing each other for so long, and he had replied saying that his girlfriend is getting anxious everytime he talks to my girlfriend and its not a good idea to meet.
I asked how long did you take to write and send this email, she said it was 20 mins and in one day, and I asked her if thats the only day she tried to mail him and she said yes, but when I checked her draft there was another mail drafted(not sent) 2 days before she had sent this one, I didnt read that drafted mail, but I asked her about that and she said she had forgotten about that mail.
but basically she was trying to write him a mail from the day she got to London and didnt tell me a word about it.
And we argued after that I said its unacceptable that she tried to meet him without telling me after everything we went through, and she doesnt agree, and she says whatever she decides between her and her ex is none of my business.
and the arguement went on.
Now all I'm asking her to do is not to talk to her ex anymore even if he comes back and messages her, which I think hes never gonna try and message or talk to my girlfriend, But I just want to hear it from her saying that she wont talk to him anymore.
But she's saying no, she's saying that she would message back and talk to him if he message her.
She's saying she love me so much, but she would rather give up this relationship and not do what I'm asking, cause she says that what I'm asking is basically to change who she is(which I dont understand).
I'm only asking to go with whats already happening and not to talk to him back if he changes the mind and message you.
Please advice?

1 Answers

Ted1234 Answered:

HI THey say that if you really love someone, set them free. You really need to practice this. You can't do much if your girlfriend still has feelings for the ex. But then are you sure about it? Why should you fight over an issue which is still not clear? Learn to trust and forgive. You can only be sure of your love for her. Let that guide you to become more confident about her. And be strong enough to face whatever life has n store for you.

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