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Asked by Last Updated:

12 years 5 kids, help

I have been married for coming on 12 years this October.
I have 5 kids.
4 Girls and a boy.
We are having troubles, like many couples do.
I am self-employed.
I never feel satisfied in life, I feel as if I should be elsewhere, stressed about money.
The usual.
My wife and I argue a lot.
When we get along, we are good.
I come from a divorced family and so does she.
When she got pregnant I proposed.
I loved her and wanted to do the right thing.
Fast forward and 5 kids total, we still are arguing and not getting along.
I admit, I get stressed and I treat my kids bad when I am stressed.
Our kids have seen and/or heard us argue.
Bad at times.
We both strayed at one point.
But lies still lingered, or should I saw there was not full truth told, by her, probably me as well.
I changed a lot.
Stopped going out, stop talking to many friends, been faithful for 3 or more years.
But I still have issues with the kids.
I didn't want to be like my parents.
divorced, my dad not around much, mom beat my rear and my brothers regularly, but I see what being together is doing to the kids.
My wife has brought up divorce many times.
She cant keep house, pay bills and live alone.
Neither could I.
I am lost and an emotional wreck lately.
I laughed at my wife the other day because if I didn't laugh I was gonna break down during her telling me I need to change or divorce.
I saw on my desk notes she was taking regarding divorce steps.
I guess I'm looking for advice.
Not easy.
Part of me wants divorce, but then I think of her struggling with 5 kids and me not being around my kids.
But I don't want them messed up from staying together.

2 Answers

Vb327 Answered:

Thanks Ted. We have tried different things and we still argue a lot. I know every couple argues, but we argue probably more than we get along sometimes. She has past issues, most of what I caused, but I want the past to be left in the past. We discussed and cryed over everything and its been years and I dont want to be held to my past. Im sure she doesnt as well. She goes thru cell records and questions me, my emails, my Face book. I have made the change and worked hard for it yet we still do this dance.

Ted1234 Answered:

You know the good part about this rather sad state of affairs is that you realize that you want to do good for the kids. And that good is mostly tilting towards keeping the marriage. When you do realize that you should change for the benefit of your marriage, I think half of the job is already done. Separation or divorce is the last step when there is nothing left to do. But if possible work on staying together. Make things work in this chaotic life and pave way for smooth progress.

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