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Asked by Last Updated:

My mother inadvertently one-ups my wife with gifts for me

So my birthday is coming up.
My wife and I had planned on going to see my favorite NFL team play a divisional game that day (I have never been to a game).
She wanted to give that to me as my gift.
My wife had been talking to her family and some mutual friends without my knowledge about planning a tailgate and getting seats together.
I decided to see if any of our friends or family wanted to come with us.
My mother, who has always been the bread winner, makes a lot of money, and always has to give the biggest gifts decided to take herself and two other family members.
Well tonight my mother decided to go ahead and buy the best seats in the house (field level, 50-yard line) tickets for my wife, herself, the two other family members and me.
She is impulsive and made this decision on her own.
These tickets are much more expensive than what my wife and I could afford on our own.
So I tell my wife about it, and she feels one-upped and inadequate because she obviously wasn't going to get seats that good.
Also, none of the mutual friends who wanted to go can afford those seats either.
So they are out now, and my wife feels that her plans have been stomped on.
I understand that my mother didn't know about these plans and only wanted to do something nice for me, but my wife wants to talk to her so that, in the future, my mother will speak to her before doing something like that for my birthday.
I don't know how to approach/mediate this situation.
I want my wife to feel like she can give me something on my birthday that is special even if it isn't anything expensive (we are young, broke newlyweds), but my mother always gives these huge gifts that makes my wife feel small.
How do we approach this situation without making my mom feel like she's done something wrong by doing something very generous? My mom didn't know about any of my wife's plans, but she also didn't consult with her.

1 Answers

Ted1234 Answered:

HI It is always a tough situation when you have to mediate between your wife and mother. But the important thing to know here is that both these women love you dearly. You should speak to both the women individually to let them know how much their efforts mean to you. But you also need to tell your mother perhaps that she should consider the fact that she is older and wiser to make efforts to keep the harmony going on. You mother should make the effort of talking and consulting with your wife more often, this will make her feel more wanted and appreciated in the new family. At the same time, your wife should also understand that your mother is old and needs all due respect and some leeway on things like these. If you are able to communicate the essence of your intent clearly to both the women, life will certainly be easier.

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