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Wife secretly texts male friend

So, me and my wife have been married for about 2 years and I found out accidently that she had been talking to one of her male friends behind my back.
(This friend, is someone she said she use to have a crush on way way way back and she had been to college in canada with, granted this guy lives on the opposite coast so no where near us, ).
So anyways, I found out she had been talking to him and stating stuff such as " I miss you, and etc".
 intially she denied talking to him as i would bring it up randomly giving her a chance to spill the beans but Nada.
So eventually I confronted her about it and she asked what she wanted her to do, and she said should she stop talking to him, and I told her, No, I'm not the person to tell her who to not talk to but lying and being distrustful is another thing.
So she said she would stop talking to him and only messege him on his birthday and thats it, So i was like yea, thats no problem.
Well, lo and behold, once again I accidently found messeges of them 2 conversing few months back (and when i say accidentally, truely mean it, I pick up her phone to hand to her and bam, on the screen is a messege from him.
One messege from memory, went like this : Him: I don't want any trouble between you guys, i dont want your hubby to to get mad" Her: Its ok he wont find out I get that this may just be a close friend of hers from college or what not, and i truely dont mind if she talks to anyone, male or not.
as long as they dont get too cozy but the thing is this goes past her saying that she wont talk to him anymore and basically lies about being on contact with him, Now, i have not confronted her about this, heck, she has no idea I know that shes still taking with this guy but I would like to know you guys opinions, what do you think is going on.
Am i being paranoid, that I wish i could just go through all her messages and see what she is saying or is this just normal and common throughout most couples.
Since my wife is very introverted, maybe this one person she could talk with from way back and has that sort of connection with, and im just overthinking everything IDK Just not sure what to do

1 Answers

Ted1234 Answered:

Chatting with male friend, for that matter an ex-crush is not a thing to worry about. The thing that is worrisome is that she lied to you about talking with him. Now there can be 2 reasons for that. First, she is afraid of you getting insecure, constantly doubting on her for talking to her friend. Second is that she might be having an emotional affair with him. Now that text you mentioned in which the guy said that he doesn't want her and you to have a problem because him indicates that they are moving towards an emotional attachment that is more than friendship. Though I know it is unfair to judge anything with just 2 texts, but it should be a wake up call for you to look deeply what's going on in your marriage. I suggest don't accuse or pressurize her into not talking to that friend. But, you should sit down and have a conversation about why she is being secretive and if there's anything wrong in your relationship, anything missing, any particular problem. This might help you figure out things.

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