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Ouch.......that hurt

I'll try to make this a shorter version of the story. Husband and I have 2 kids together. I have been very self-conscious lately as I am not happy about how age is treating me. However I am 26, which means I can very easily snap back, in most ways. He knows I am very hard on myself and share that openly. He does the same because I guess he feels the same way about his new dad-bod. We don't obsess over it though, we just wish the kids were a little older so that we can get healthy again. Things at his new job aren't going well and he hates it. He brings it home with him and we have been growing distant because we are both equally stressed. That being said, a combination of those things and other stressors have us a little more on edge than usual. We do a pretty good job at finding the roots of or frustration and try to suss things out that way. Still, I've been feeling distant from him. Things haven't been great. Tonight we got the kids in bed and then it's our turn to shower and relax for the night. Getting dressed (I recently bought and wore this sundress and it shrunk in the wash, so the dress turned into a night gown thing.) I decide not to wear a bra and thought wow he might like how "exposed" I am in this dress. So I bend down to close a drawer and he says "hey nice dress...but your .....so saggy". My jaw dropped at how matter of fact he sounded. I almost didn't believe what I had just heard. He's never been so casual/harsh. I walked away on the verge of tears. He said, "wait ...no.. that came out wrong " Here's were I'm struggling. After I convince myself that what i heard was real, all these crazy thoughts flood I to my head. 1. ...i know that you idiot, but I didn't need you to confirm my insecurities 2. ....your balls are saggy too....behold! The magic of gravity! 3...... you try breastfeeding 2 babies and keep a perky set while your at it. (Here is were I REALLY start hurting) 4......maybe I SHOULD start covering up 5.......maybe I need sugery...wait we can't afford that 6.......wait why am I thinking about surgery 7........does he think that EVERY TIME he sees me naked now? 8........is THAT why we don't have sex that often anymore? It must be. 9........am I unattractive now? I mean look how saggy I am now 10.......ill never take my top off in front of him again. I'm repulsive WAIT.........he said he didn't mean that......... Well then why did he say that in the first place. It's not like him to be dishonest. If you are a guy, I expect you to think this train of thought is borderline psychopathic. I know myself that this is an unhealthy way of thinking. No matter how much I try to reason with myself, I still feel embarrassed at my body. My confidence has dwindled to nearly nothing as it is. This unintended comment confirms my own thoughts. How can I get past this?

1 Answer

ted1234 said on
HI
 First and foremost, you need to feel comfortable with yourself. Try to regain your self confidence. Understand that every female on the face of earth has to undergo some physical transformation after child birth, you can't be an exception. Give your mind and body time to heal and if you really are focussed enough you can get back in shape and that too without surgery.  About your husband, it is alright sometimes to not over think about some things that might hurt us but are actually not meant with a bad intention. You have a family together, so you must need to be forgiving and open minded in general. I think, the issue is more about yourself or low self esteem or general unhappiness that has crept in our life, your husband is not the culprit here. So, try to fix these issues, revamp  your ego by looking out for both physical and mental transformation.
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