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He cheated with me then I cheated on him

It all happened three years ago. Friday night out, we met in a small pub and hit it off instantly. He spoke of his children, didn't mention his wife though, even showed me so photos. He is 20 years older than me fyi. Couple of days later he started texting me and we could not stop talking. We had our first kiss en eventually started sleeping together. I heard via a friend that he was married to a doctor but very unhappy - obviously. Despite of all my morals and values I fell in love with him. All the effort he made to see me or hear my voice. He literally could not get enough of me. We carried it out for three months then I was off to China, teaching english. During our affair he met my parents and they were very sceptic but seeing how happy I was they believed all the stories we told them. He actually took me to the airport and cried when I left. After two months overseas he came to visit me. In this time I actually gave him the oppertunity to go back to his family and make things right. He was persistant... Already gave his heart to me - he said. A year later I was on a flight back home with him. His divorce in full motion. They fought countless times. I still remember listening to bickering over furniture and even plates. She would phone and beg him to come back, when he said no she would with hold the kids from him. She demanded so much money bla bla bla. All the cliche divorce stories you've propably heard before. Here is where things got out of hand.... In our second year relationship we lived together but he would visit his children alone. I was not allowed until the divorce was finalised. He met another woman there who he claimed was his friend. I do not believe in men and woman, being apart, entertaining friends. Especially not if it is the opposite sex. I read texts on his phone where they would schedule weekends together and she even sent him a photo of her girl's weekend. She is also married by the way. When I confronted him he simply ignored my request to end the "friendship". Kept saying the kids all play together and he enjoys the "adult conversation". Now I had the x-wife and the new friend to feel insecure about. I bet you are thinking - Serves her right. Call me names, judge me even but I fell in love. With the wrong man. Anyway I am moving off point. He was away again and seeing his friend again when it all got too much and I cheated. I actually drove 200km's to see this guy. I told my boyfriend that as long he is out doing whatever he wants I am doing it as well. Very childish. Ofcourse he didnt come home the Monday as he was suppose to. He ignored me flat for a week. Then broke up with me. Three days later he missed me and said he has forgiven me. Now we are three years along the line (got engaged and broke it off) and we have major trust & respect issues. The other night I had a few glasses of wine to many and mentioned that he use to take a shower after having sex with me, you know before he went home. I think I still have all those guilt feelings. I didn't wreck a family - he did but I was there. I am a part of it. Of all of it. We love each other despite of it but we are struggeling to keep head above water. We fight all the time, have sex all the time and when things are good they are really good. But when they go bad.... I threw a remote at him last night. He said he would visit his kids by himself for the next 10 days, over my birthday. My better half is yelling at me to run and never look back but I miss him as soon as he is gone. How do we make it work? How can he forgive me for cheating and himself ultimately? I think its because he cheated on his wife that he wont forgive me I dont know. 

Answers (3)

ted1234 said on
You're not in love you are in an extremely toxic relationship. I know it is hard, but the best thing that you could do right now is, get out!
In this relationship you are always going to be insecure and so will he. He cheated on his wife to be with you, you cheated on him because you suspected him of cheating you. There is a lot of guilt, resentment, and baggage that probably you two can never get rid off.  My suggestion to you is break up and start with a fresh clean slate. You deserve to be in healthier relationship.
MeganM said on
It just doesn't sound like a healthy relationship! I agree with the person who said the word "toxic"!!
MikeSanders said on
I always suspected my husband was a big time cheater, but I wasn't able to get proof of his infidelity until I contacted extremeinfiltrators-at-gmail-com who is a real hacker and was very helpful in helping me track his cell phone remotely. You can tell him Stacey referred you if you require similar services
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