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Asked by Last Updated:

married to a man, in love with a woman should I tell her/him?

I'm a married female, marriage is ok, but no real physical happenings it feels almost roommate like.
I have been in love with my friend for a few years.
My friend is a gay female.
She is single and hasn t had very good luck in relationships.
She does not know my feelings for her as I have not expressed them.
Its getting more and more difficult to be around her because of my feelings.
I have a ton of respect for her and our friendship.
I fear that it may get ruined if I say something to her.
But what if it doesn t get ruined? I have a very small feeling that she might have the slightest idea that I may have a crush on her, but it is much deeper than that.
Reaching out for advice, and no judgements

2 Answers

2018MLMM Answered:

Do everyone, including yourself a favor. Before you decide what to do with your friend/future lover, divorce your husband. It will be painful, but significantly less painful for all concerned. Good luck

Ted1234 Answered:

You say that you have strong feelings for your friend. It is hard for you to be around her without expressing your feelings, so just tell her. If she values your friendship as much as you do, she will not quit being friends with you even when you confess. 
As far as your marriage is concerned, living like roomates is not marriage. You should definitely tell your husband that you are in love with someone else and get out of the marriage, unless you have children together. Divorcing your child's parent is much more complicated than divorcing your husband. You have to give it more thought if that is the case. If you have children together then you should first learn what are your friend's feelings towards you. Then you should consider whether you should stay or get out of your marriage.

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