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Do women who refuse to change maiden name usually end up in marital strife?

or decide to change back from their married families name?? This is both of our first marriage and we discussed before we were married and we both agreed that when having a family union within the family is very important.  Also, she said changing her maiden name was important to family unity and suggested she change it once we were married.  Now 2-yrs later she still hasn't changed her name in any form and it causes a huge fight every time it comes up.
I even agreed to compromise from the original agreement to meet half way and she can use a hyphenated name.    She now refuses to change just because she said she changed her mind and doesn't want to... She actually said my last name means nothing to her.   Now she wants to start a family, but I don't know if I even want to be with her anymore.   Why would I want to start a family with a woman who feels my family name means nothing to her?  

We are both professionals and dated since college before tying the knot.  We are both in our mid-30s.

Answers (2)

narnam said on
First of all, when you become a married couple the name change that occurs is a symbol of the couple identity that the two of you are taking on. It’s a symbol of your commitment to one another and to “becoming one”. You love your wife so much that you are giving her your name. Your wife loves you so much that she is taking on a new name. Any children you have will bear that name and carry it into the future.... Why does she hestitate so much? Are there any other problems in your relationship besides this? Please get in touch with someone (a professional marriage therapist) who can get into the heart of the matter and help you both save your marriage. Consider this seriously before taking any step....

jnbentley2003 said on Jan 31

You ask why she hesitates so much is b/c she says she feels like she losing her identity, but I think it's more of a form of narcissism.  As I said before, we are both professionals but we are young and she hasn't established a practice.  She has been out of school for 1.5 yrs.  I have been in practice almost 10-years.  However, to me, this is a ridiculous argument b/c we discussed this before we even became engaged and came to an agreement and now she's renigged on her promises.  

Also,  I agree,  what kind of a family goes by one identity at work and another at home or even two different family names at home?  I feel she is causing a divide in the family unit from the start so whats the point of even having a family?   If she wants to be an individual, then she can be one without a family.
emmasmith said on
Disputes with your partner are making your relationship worse and are bringing you apart from each other then it is the right time to consult a Rockville therapist. No matter how much your relationship has been affected, it's never too late to consult a therapist.
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