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Asked by Last Updated:

Partner wants us to live in separate house but remain as a couple? We have children too.

Ok, so we have never had the most conventional relationship, and we have lived apart in separate houses before.
He suffers from depression and is stuck with what to do with his life.
We did things the other way around - we have two children and I have been the worker and he the stay-at-home dad.
We are not married, but I want to be.
We have been together for 10 years and have 2 school age children.
He's wanting us to live in separate house for a bit, again so he can work out who he is etc.
I am kind of tired of this, and feeling like a disposable part of his life and no one wants to feel like that in a relationship.
But I am having huge trouble convincing myself to let go of him after 10 years, and I feel awful for the kids about that and don't want a broken home - I get really stuck on this, I don't like the idea of step parents etc.
So I know I will end up probably giving in and doing it, which is not right, for me or the kids really.
What do I do? How do you actually find the strength to say enough is enough?

3 Answers

LRS1951 Answered:

Has there been therapy (specifically a version of CBT, SBFT, or clinical hypnotherapy) to: (1) Address the depression? (2) Address the commitment problem? (3) To address the marital needs in general? If not, then you BOTH are just playing games with each other. Insist on therapy (for each of you separately - for a few sessions - then roll it over into marriage counseling type therapy). If he won't go, you still should go. Even when you WANT to break up, there still is a LOT of trauma involved. BTDT.

emmasmith Answered:

Your partner never put in any solid effort or committed to you and still does not wish to commit to you.

Nn_420 Answered:

Haven't you given in already - on soooo many levels? First, you're not married.You have,not 1 but 2 kids from this man. Second, even after this, your partner never put in any solid effort or committed to you. He even asked that you stay separately - which you agreed again! Add to all this, you are the one who's also working .... What exactly has your ''partner'' been doing since the last 10 years? Just staying around, making you believe this is a real relationship,...Even after bearing him 2 kids and I'm also assuimg supporting him, and agreeing to his demands, he still does not wish to commit to you because he's depressed and "needs to find himself".....Really now, you need to find some sense....Get out! Get out woman!


Replied on Dec 13, 2016

you're absolutely right.
It doesn't help either when your self-esteem gets ruined over the years so it is hard to then get out and be alone.

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