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What should I do? Options and opinions needed

My wife and I have been married for 25 years. I have raised our three children and she has worked. About 15 years ago we moved to a much smaller town which has very limited job opportunities for a high paying job, like I used to have. The reason we moved was so she could learn as she worked in the healthcare field. While a stay at home dad I was coach for many kids sports teams, scoutmaster and even confirmation guide. I take care of the vehicles, yardwork, I finished off the entire basement level and improved our home which has increased in value since we purchased it. Home is almost paid off. In the past 5 years I have tripled our retirement account balance and are doing pretty well financially. In the past two years my wife has stopped showing any intimacy at all and if I want any sex or loving I have to almost beg for it. When I do she makes me feel like I am raping her and I just can't do that, so I go without. 6 months ago she made the comment about her retirement account and said she is worried about me as I have none, even thou I built ours out of nothing. When I have mentioned that now she has the training we should move so I can work again, she flat out refuses and won't even consider it. Two weeks ago she said another comment about me not having anything for retirement and I starting prepairing for a divorse by taking a few thousand dollar out of our account. She started a diiferent bank account and now I have no income. I have started looking for sales position, but will need to drive at least 1.5 hours each way to work. She says she still loves me. I know I have trust issues, which comes from being wrongfully accused and arrested 4 years ago. My question is what should I do?

1 Answer

nn.420 said on
Oh my God - this sounds so complicated!

I can feel through this post how upset and worried you are about this situation. It's hard and very complicated, really.... Your wife says that she loves you....has she ever told you that she wanted a divorce? Or is it that you want a divorce since there is no intimacy left in the marriage at all? Plus, you also have money and job concerns...Surely, you don't wish to just end this relationship wherein you have invested so much of your timeand love.... Add to this, you say you were wrongfully accused 4 years ago - Have these issues started since then?  I think you need to get some clarity here. Fisrt, have a discussion with your wife. If she wants a divorce, then she also needs to give you her share.... I mean you worked hard for the house too. If there is any scope of remedy, try and save this marriage....Go to counseling and try to heal your intimacy concerns as a couple. If she's clear that she wants a way out,then I seriously think you need to consult a lawyer...
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