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Asked by Last Updated:

He doesn't like it when I bring up marriage

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3.
5 years, living together for almost 2.
We have a great relationship which I thought was headed for marriage.
About a year ago I brought up the subject and I noticed he was a little nervous and he just said "we're not ready" so I left it at that.
Since then the subject has come up several more times and now he tells me that we need to find more common interests before we get married because his last relationship ended because they didn't have anything in common and they both got bored.
We do everything together, we like restaurants and movies, we watch a lot of tv together and have great discussions about our favorite shows, we like trying new recipes and doing household projects, we like playing board games together.
I'm not sure what he is waiting for and it is starting to sound like he is making excuses.
Each time it comes up now it turns into a fight.
Just wondering if this is a genuine concern or if I should let it go and give it time? Thank you.

2 Answers

emmasmith Answered:

Consult a relationship therapist! Relationship therapist provides you & your partner a safe space to explore each others issues in order to strengthen your relationship through compassionate listening, addressing underlying agendas. It help you build your relationship, strengthen your connection so you feel important, valued and have a Lifetime of Love.

Lovehelp Answered:

Jenny, This is a genuine concern, please, please do not brush it off and think that he needs "more time" I mean seriously what is he waiting for? Clearly, he is making up excuses... You guys have been together for 3.5 years - and as you put it enjoy doing a lot of things together and seem to have common interests. You say: his last relationship ended because they didn't have anything in common and they both got bored....Perhaps, it was he who got bored. In all probability, his ex must have asked him for mariage as well and he backed out saying he was "bored". Really now. Jenny, this relationship has lasted so long becasue it worked for you. He wanted a set up where you guys would stay together, share a life (without responsility) and have fun doing what you did. Now, that you want committment and a marriage from him, this whole set up is suddenly not working for him. I wonder is 3.5 years not enough for 2 people to discover common interests - for this, you have your whole life ahead! It’s hard to have a talk about “us” when there is no “us”. By saying nothing about this or fighting about it, he continues to cover his ass, and you continue to tolerate it. You’re expecting things to change, but he doesn’t want them to change....he's happy with this setup and you need to know if. See, if a man wants to marry you, he will marry you. He will not make excuses. Have a word with him on this. Ask directly, if marriage is ever going to be on the cards, if not, then leave...As is, it has been very long in this relationship

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