What to do and how to do it
I have been married for 17 yrs.
I have been sleeping in a different room for about 7 yrs now because my wife says I snore.
I have so many things going on in my marriage its not even funny! My wife's 34yr old son lives in the basement we fixed up for a family room and dont pay a damn thing to stay there and also dont do anything around the house besides hang out then in Jan of this year his girlfriend moved in (I was not asked) still no payments for anything.
electric , water, sewer all went up.
I was never asked if I would care if she moved in.
I am the only one paying the bills at the house.
luckily I have a good job but Im getting older and would like to plan for an early retirement but as long as this keeps happening I will never retire and if I say anything Im the asshole that lives there so this is one problem Im trying to figure out how to correct without getting a divorce.
The second problem is I really like sex but my wife has no interest as its been almost 2 years since we have been intimate.
I have really been thinking of finding someone that just wants sex
From my opinion, have you spoken to your wife about your needs. I think you need to seek some professional help, you should go for relationship workshop. Couples therapist workshop provides opportunity for you to understand relationship differently and improve your loving engagement, nagging issues. I am sure after attending the workshop, things will get far better with more understanding.
The Bible says that you and your wife as well as , in addition to your bodies belong to each other. Does she understand this and do you understand your leadership role in the home? You must put your foot down and tell her your needs. You are serving her in ways financially but unless you both believe in the Bible you will not understand your proper roles as man and wife . She must respect you and you must love her. And your bodies belong to one another. Colossians 3:18-19.
I think you need to be firm about this. Clearly, your wife's son is taking full advantage of the situation and is taking all this for granted. Speak your mind that this will continue no more. No matter if this makes you the asshole - do not be afraid to pinpoint the fact that he was the one being the asshole all this while. I'm surprised your wife did not speak to her son all this while and let this continue. Now, what. He has a girlfriend whom he has invited to live in (without even asking you! ). Remind these people that it is you who pay the bills and if they want to live in, they need to chip in to as well and get moving in the house to get things done. As for the bit on sex, have you spoken to your wife about your needs? Does she ignore you and wants a sexless mariage? If that is the case, then I think you need to seek some professional help. Because marriage should not be this way. It won't last if it continues in this manner. I'd suggest you to NOT cheat your wife . Do not go to another woman just for sex - that will screw your mind even more. I think you need to visit a counselor and get help regarding this matter....