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Asked by Last Updated:

My marriage is on the rocks. please help

My wife tells me she loves me.
I can feel it most of the time.
but other days she is absent, cold.
I can attribute this to to her severe depression and anxiety but there are other things.
She has recently been going to a bar with her sister (whom her and her husband are regulars and know everyone).
She met a guy at the bar.
Hes a young 24 year old kid.
He's not a bad kid but I can honestly say he has nothing to offer her.
I did a lot (60+) hours of overtime over the holidays and during this time her and him started to talk a lot.
They text each other and he was calling her 2-3-4 in the morning and talking to her for hours.
I had a talk to him and he stopped.
But after that my wife put a lock on her phone, all texts come in as silent and dont light her phone up, she took the "read" messages off of her iphone.
I just really dont know whats going on with her.
She went to the doctor on friday to get her medication changed so im hoping it has something to do with that.
A couple weeks ago (when things were at their worse) she told me she still loved me but it would be best we separate.
I've been with my wife for 7 years and I think this was the 1st real time I showed any emotion.
I cried.
I tried to hide it.
 but she wouldnt let me.
She embrased me.
She told me she loved me and she agreed to take things 1 day at a time.
Since that "talk" I've absolutely tried everything I could to fix things and I know it is a long process.
Doing a lot of things for her I usually wouldnt.
Try to keep the house clean.
Pay for a lot of stuff she'd usually pay for.
Tell her I love her several times a day.
Bring her coffee in the morning with her favorite candy.
Back rubs, playing with her hair, rubbing her feet.
literally slave work.
 but I'm okay with it as long as she'll love me like she did before.
Is there anything you guys thing I should do differently? I do see things getting a little bit better.
If they get worse I would consider professional help.
I love my wife.
I really don't want to lose her.

4 Answers

I caught her cheating on me.... Found her kissing on a dude in a parking lot. So... Yea she admitted its been going on since Christmas. I moved out .. We still have contact because of the children though. She tells me she can't be with me until I get counseling (which I've made my appointment for) and the maybe 1 day we can be together. But right now she is with him. She's sending me mixed signals though... We have had sex 3 times in the last week (rare for us). She said we shouldn't be doing it but it happens so idk. I love my wife and I want to be with her but idk what is up with her and this 24 year old warehouse worker that lives at home with his parents... He has no responsibilities... What does she see in him. She can't think he's a permanent thing... 

Helpinghand Answered:

I know what you mean....even these so called little things matter. They may seem superficial but they make an overall impact on any relatioship....I'd say tell her how you feel, that her absence in these little matters makes you feel they way you feel - that the compassion is lacking in your marriage.....

She tells me she loved me when I tell her... She hugs me, kisses me... But it's the stupid little things.... Like if I post on Facebook or Instagram she won't like or comment on it. (Which is stupid I know). When I text kisses or something she won't text me back with kisses like she use to. I'm not sure what is going on. I think she loves me but the compassion isn't there. With that said I almost got lucky the other day but as she said (my spot was taken) "that time of the month". So she's kinda there for me in person but completely absent when I'm not if that makes any sense. Idk. I think I'm just rambling now

Helpinghand Answered:

I think what ever you are doing now is all great. You are on the right path. Sometimes neglect and taking each other for granted does way too much damage. But you seem to be well aware of your own feelings and really in love with your wife. Spend a lot of time with her and be the support that she needs at this point in life. Nothing so bad has happened in your marriage - you can turn things around and make them way better than they ever used to be. Use this time to strengthen your bond and marriage - and as you say, you are already noticing positive changes and your wife seems to appreciate and reciprocate your actions. Give her time.....if ever things get rough, or even now, if you think your relationship can get better with professional help, then seek for that too. Often couples wait till way too much damage has happened and then seek counseling, which hardly does anything. Give the matter a serious thought, if you feel this is the right time, then opt for a marriage therapist to help you out. 

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