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Heartache and lost.

Okay. So, first of all me and my wife have been married for 8 years now. For 8 years, I was not in love with her, or really not even liked her, but I do love her for things we have shared in the past. I married her in the first place because I did what I thought was right at that time. It was because she was pregnant. Over the time, I've given it all that I have earned by working hard (72 hrs a week to make sure they are taken care of) and I feel she loves me but she falls short of doing her part. I come into the house and things are out of place, and there is never really any food cooked. I taught her how to cook over the years. But still to this day anything she does she doesn't put her heart in to it, except for when she's mad she gives her all and becomes very irrational. So, over the years I've learned to not care anymore. Deep in my heart I know I should leave but because I'm so kind hearted (I am a cancer) it hurts me to hurt her. Now by no means am I a push over; I am just overly caring. And if I leave her I know she will use my son against me. She would never put him in my care because that's what I want. He is 8, and she's 38 but still to this day she acts like a tini boper. She won't clip his nails because she's scared she'll hurt him (what am I to think how she would truely care for him when I am not in the picture). She's unforgiving and I've told her the true reason we got married; it was only because of him. It's something she accepts, but when I'm close to her I don't feel the warmth of a wife rather I feel her like more of a buddy. When we go out to eat out at a restaurant, there is always an awkward silence. She's constantly being flirty with me but it just irritates me, and if I tell her to stop she gets emotional, not in a "do I not turn you on? way" but more of a "well, fine I'll never do it again" way.

Now, I have no one to talk to because she has only one friend that could put things in perspective for me but I cannot violate their friendship by asking her bestfriend for marriage advice, and besides my wife would flip and become irrational instead of concerning. I've never cheated on her and have no plans of cheating in future. My purpose of secretly wanting to leave is not based on getting back on the scene, but more or so because we truely don't fit with each other. We are not made for each other amongst many many other things. I'm hurting so bad on the inside. I just don't know where to turn, or what to do. I smile outside, but a pretty picture is not always perfect.

Answers (8)

Joshua said on
While reading your lenghty question description, once I thought most of your problems are self generated, and a creation of your mind, but the other time I thought your heart is really aching man!

I have always believed that self-happiness should matter the most. So, the answer is in front of you. You should only look out for your own happiness, somehow in the process you might end up making everyone happy.
Mark said on
You really seem lost, bro! You may look out for a counsellor. You have been married for 8 long years, then why are you feeling such things today, and why not during last 8 years? You need to take a break and talk to your wife about everything and see if she understands you.
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