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Asked by Last Updated:

How do I get my husband to love me again?

We have been married for 3 years now, and we live and work togther in a foreign country.
We have had a lot of diagreements and arguments in the past but I thought everything was finally calm before I went to my homecountry for 20 days.
Recently, when I came back everything was different.
He said he gave a lot of thought about our future, and he said he thinks he cannot be happy with me.
He told me that I give him bad emotions when he sees me.
Suddenly, he has lost almost all interest in me and doesn't need any intimacy.
He talks to me as if I am just a friend.
He said he still loves me and will always do so but doesn't see any future with me any more.
He totally shut himself down.
I can't stand it.
He said the only solution is for me to go back to our country and wait for him to see if he would miss me.
But I am not sure this is the right thing to do.
Maybe this will just assert his decision.
I just don't know.
Do you have any advice?

2 Answers

Nilan Answered:


I am highlighting some points below. 

1. Your husband is having an affair with other woman. He might got an opportunity to be intimate with someone else when you went back to your home country and now feel he is not interested in you. This is the most obvious conclusion I reached after reading your question. Though, I might be wrong. 
2. He might have introspected in those 20 days and reached to his conclusion about his own life. He might have observed things, contemplated his happiness levels, and the situations required to fulfill his dreams. 

Both these possibilities are very common and have half-half probability of happening in your case. 


You give him time to think more about it and retrospect his recent actions. If you do so, he might simply go away from your life forever, or he realize his mistake and come back to your within a short frame of time. By adopting this solution, you are letting your husband making choices himself without infuencing his decisons. Though, it is morally correct but I think you should not go this way. You should try to convince him for as much as you can. You should project your importance in his life, remember the good old days while having dinner with him, watch movies, and have late night philosophical talks. This way there is more probability that he will stay with you. But I still can not guarantee where his heart will lay.
You know, a realtionship connects two hearts. If anyhow one of them has lost the connection, I think the same chemistry might never appear. But sometimes, heart loses its way in between a long journey and comes back to its prior place after realizing the truth. Your husband might have an idea in his mind that he doesn't love you anymore but it still seems to be in a beginning phase. You definitely can shape this idea in his mind and get him back.

And if he cheated on you, this is altogether different question.

N_marriage Answered:

I can understand what you must be going through now. Surely you never thought that a few arguments and differences could hamper your marriage of 3 years. But these things do happen. Most men have a tendency to give up - and sometimes for no reason at all. I have experienced this in my own life too. But before calling it quits, you need to sit with him again and explain that relationships don't just end like that. Tell him that you want to remedy things and that you don't wish to go back home. Really reflect on your own shortcomings as well and tell him that you are willing to work on yourself provided he is also willing to do the same. I hope things work out for you!

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