If it feels that hard all the time maybe that is not the right connection for you. In life things happen naturally, as you wish for your marriage, when they are good for us. When it takes all your energy and is not working, it is not for you or you are not ready for it yet. Both ways something else needs to be done before proceeding. Search for the signs around you and think what the lesson is in this situation. When you take the lesson, the situation changes.
For it to flow naturally, you have to instill in the both of you the ideals of being a wife or husband and be at your best behaviour, understanding and have unwavering love at all times! That seems like quite a handful to me, especially since we are all human and sometimes make mistakes. Having this mindset that everything must be perfect is wrong. Marriage is something that you have to work hard at, because like in life, happiness does not come easy. I heard this saying, 'No problem is a problem too!'.
Marriages are not usually the happily-ever-after fairy tale ending we’ve been taught to expect. Marriages are hard because they involve two whole and separate people trying to figure out how to work together despite (usually) having seen poor examples from their parents of what teamwork in married life should look like. The ideal scenario provided by popular culture is no better. We are taught to believe that if the relationship is right and meant to be, then everything else will just work itself out. That’s not even remotely true though, as anyone who has been married can attest.