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What should I do? I am in a quandary that might seem so stupid to you!

I belong to Nigeria. I moved to States 9 years ago to study medical. I made many girl friends in past 9 years but recently I met a girl, named Benji. I really believed I am in love the moment I spend a night with her. It happened a year ago. We have been in a live-in relationship since then.

This Sunday, she proposed me on my birthday. Really, she did! Even I was as shocked as you are! But I have not replied to her since then. I have not met her since Sunday and not even replied to her texts. She is perhaps thinking that she lost me. But I really adore her. I also do want to be with her, though the word marriage kind of takes out the colors of my life. Forget it! There is another big problem that is making me think over this proposal again and again.

And here comes the quandary!

Now, the problem is that I had a girlfriend in school. Oh, dear! We were so much in love. We even maintained the contact for one year after I came to states. We did everything a couple can dream of. We had a beautiful time while in Nigeria. We were deeply attracted to each other. But after one year in States I closed all the connections with her for I thought I was doing wrong to her. I had my reasons. At that time, I believed she was not happy with the long distance relationship. I also believed she was dating someone else, though at a later point in life, I came to know I was wrong to think so. Actually, I have never given much thought to her in past 5-6 years. I never realized she could still matter to me. But we promised each other. We saw all the dreams together and now these dreams are coming back to haunt me , to make me an insomaniac. I just can not say yes to Benji for I promised my school-girlfriend that I shall only marry her no matter what!

This really sounds stupid, and awkward but I am planning to contact her again. I am even considering to go to Nigeria myself and talk to her. I heard from friends that she is still unmarried. I need some suggestions! Please help me!

Answers (4)

said on
sak_sak
Dude!! What, are you like in high-school  or something?!! Please get a grip on your feelings! From what you have written, it seems you just want to break-up with your girlfriend for no reason at all? And you say you still 'adore' her? Before going to Nigeria or anywhere else, I think you need to seriously reflect on your life and romantic feelings . How do you know your ex-girlfriend is even single now? Perhaps you were selfish back then, just like you are now thinking only about yourself, and messed up the relationship with her . You are probably repeating the same mistake again. Please think before you take any drastic step or else you're in for a rude awakening.

Daniel said on Jul 23, 2014

I am a mess!
Daniel said on
Yes, I adore her but I don't feel like marrying her. Is this wrong? I never said it to her that I am gonna marry you. I never promised her anything like this. So, what else can I do if she is expecting me to marry her. I have no choice.

And when I think of marriage I can only think of Netanyu. It's not my fault. We had so good time. She is in my dreams these days making me feel guilty for what I did to her in the past. I want to amend things. I want to go to Nigeria and meet her as a penance to what I did to her in the past. I have not contacted her for past 8 years and I feel myself responsible for it for she did try to contact me inbetween. Hell! I am such a mess! I defintely do need to get my shit together! But again, I do not know what to do!
said on
asdassss
If your feelings for Netanyu have revived after ages, then I say go for it. Clearly, you're the kind of a guy who does what his heart tells him. You may be in for some surprises along the way ....but hey, it's your jouney. Do remember, you will be breaking your current girlfriend's heart though by taking a step like that against her for no real reason at all. But guess you have some experience handling broken hearts, heatbreak kid. Good luck!

Daniel said on Jul 28, 2014

You made me laugh in the end. Well, nobody likes breaking hearts! But I guess hearts are made to be broken. I do not want to sound rude, but every individual always faces at least one heart break in life. In the end, heart is a difficult thing to comprehend absolutely.
Nilan said on
You are really a mess!
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