Today is all that you have. How is your wife behaving today? Has she said sorry to you for having the affair and asked you to forgive her? Can you see that she is trying hard to regain your trust again? And have you both been for marriage counseling to help you get over this hurdle? If the answer to the last three questions is yes, then you need to come to a decision as to whether you will forgive your wife and work towards rebuilding your marriage. It is a choice you can make today. If you cannot forgive her then you should release her and move on. Remaining in a state of indecision will hold both of you in misery and bondage.
My wife had multiple affairs across a 4 year period - a long time ago. In this case there were multiple issues that caused depression. Coping with two small children, alone at home through the day time, no support from her family throughout her life, a wrong job choice, and me drinking alcohol in the evenings. Basically she was looking for something to boost her ego. If she regrets what has happened, the first step its to be completely honest and tell you about it. It's a hard call, but in most cases, it's better if she answers all the details you may want. It's worse to imagine what happened than the reality. In my case, the full details of each relationship was the only way I could stop thinking about things. This included the organ size and what type of sex she had and how successful it was. On the positive side, I found out the best sex she had was with me and I no longer felt inadequate. One thing that came out was on of the long term affairs was with a man who was small and the sex did nothing for her, it was about the ego boost.
When something or someone has hurt us deeply, our minds don’t want to let go of that memory for fear of being hurt again. If you understand the reasons for your wife’s extramarital affair, you can start working together to strengthen your marriage so that she’s less likely to stray. However, sometimes people have affairs because of their own insecurities, and nothing you do is likely to fix someone else’s self-image. Be sure to have open and frank conversations about what benefit your wife gained from the affair (yes, there are benefits – often unconscious). She will have to determine how to replace that special something without cheating.
Firstly, take your time to learn how to forgive your wife and do the neccessary to build trust between the both of you again. As manofhouse said, it's also good to talk with your wife about why she cheated on you. Be aware that this issue will definitely be a sore subject for the both of your for the rest of your life, but do not harp on the past or use it as ammo in quarrels against your remorseful wife. It will only deepen the divide.
If you feel like you are unable to stomach having with a wife who has cheated on you, then divorce is an option you should not be afraid of. But if you want to start afresh with your current wife, then professional assistance will greatly aid in the recovery process. Learn to build the broken trust back up slowly and steadily and try to find out what lead to your wife cheating on you. Time heals everything!
Broken trust is the hardest thing in the world to overcome. How can you have a good relationship with anyone if you don’t know if they are telling you the truth? The first thing to decide is whether or not you want to continue with your marriage. If you do, then you must be prepared that it will take time to rebuild it. Insist that she has nothing more to do with that person. Don’t try to act like nothing has happened. No matter how much it hurts, talk about the affair. Don’t take the blame for the cheating. Your partner may try to shift some of the guilt onto you. Don’t expect to get over this easily. Don’t let your spouse tell you that you are being obsessive or harping on about it – take as long as you need.