Marriage problems can indeed cause much pain which cuts deeply into your heart, even for many years. Pain is not something that will go away if it is ignored and pushed aside. The only way is to look carefully at your pain and address the cause of it. Get help and counseling for your marriage problems. If you are both willing to work on your problems and make changes in your marriage relationship, then there is hope that you will overcome the pain as your marriage improves. If one partner is not willing to change and continues to inflict pain on the other, then it may be time to move on.
Spouses often know each other better than anyone else in the world, so the pain is deeper when the relationship suffers a blow. Remember that you chose to be with this one person for better or for worse, and that you are not suffering alone. Treat the marriage as a team, and lean on one another for support. Communicate hurt feelings and strive to find common ground. Couples that focus on being right over being happy will never stop arguing, so you’ll have to let go of the typical power struggle and embrace the higher ideals of partnership and teamwork if the marriage is to heal.