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I have had an affair with many married men. Now I want to get out of these complicated relationships, please help.

Answers (11)

MITCHELL said on
Then get out! What stops you? Please be wise enough and understand that such relationships lead nowhere. You will only end up hurting yourself, be filled with disappointments and lots of despair. No woman in her right mind would do that. Come out clean and prepare yourself for a beautiful, long-lasting relationship that can lead to marriage. Fill yourself with positive energies ...Marriage is hard work so prepare well for this lifelong journey
KarmaChameleon said on
Wow, this can be quite tricky. Especially if the man is supoorting you financially or otherwise. I believe the best thing to do is to let the guy know that you deserve a man of your own and you can't, wont and don't want to continue being a mistress. Thatyour future doesn't include you being a side piece for the rest of your life.
Christie said on
You probably have something that really affected you in your past that makes you keep seeking these kinds of relationships, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to seek some serious help after you get out of that relationship. It's wrong to be with somebody who has made vows to be with someone else.
QTinLA said on
I’m not sure you can do this on your own without the help of a counselor or some therapy. It sounds like there may be some issues you have to work through which are often very difficult to pinpoint without professional help. There is a definite reason why you continue to look for these types of relationships and you have to really figure out why that is before you can just stop doing it. It’s not something you can just stop doing unless you know why you do it in the first place.
SimplyBeing said on
My heart goes out to you, Robles. It's obvious that you are hurting and are looking to these men to fill or fix something that has gone terribly wrong.

It sounds like you recognize that this is an unhealthy way to live your life and I'm glad that you have come to this realization.

I agree with others who have said that you may need professional help. Even if you just stop, I would be worried that this wouldn't be a long term solution. A professional could help you understand why you behave the way you do and offer some practical advise on what to do when you feel tempted to reach out to these unavailable men.
LindaL said on
Yes, professional help is definatelly needed and some regain in self esteem also. Give yourself time to heal before starting a new relaionship and know that you deserve to be someone's first choice and have an official relationship :) Your will to get out of this kind of complicated relationships is a good sign you are aiming the right path! Good girl!
manofhouse said on
It's not difficult if you really want to end the relationships. Just tell the men that it's over and you do not want to continue. Then make sure you cannot contact them and vice versa. Next, as the others have suggested above, seek professional help immediately to resolve your inner issues that lead you to engage in this behaviour. It helps to have an objective listening ear who will understand and not judge. I hope that in time, you will grow stronger from this and do what's best in the future.
HighSpirit said on
Congratulations on your choice to embrace life and walk on a meaningful path ahead. This is called evolution!
redrice89 said on
Getting out of them might not be easy, especially if you have developed deep emotional connections with those married men. You might have to face the brunt of having your actions exposed, or being harassed by the men who have claimed that they love you. Tell the men that you are not interested in having affairs with them anymore, and end the relationship. Rational cheating men will understand and bid you farewell.
POWELL20 said on
If you can understand the reason for the behavior, then (and only then) you can make a change.  It’s impossible to change your
mind about something until you’ve explored why you make the choices you do right now.  Many times, when a woman has many affairs with married men, she also:

·       doesn’t expect much from a man
·       experiences feelings of insecurity
·       needs validation from others
·       devalues herself To address some of the root causes, try learning a new skill, joining a therapy group or hobby circle to make supportive new friends, and journaling about negative self-talk.
YATES76 said on
Well done for realizing that these relationships are not good for you. Your desire to get free is a very big step in the right direction. It is important that you cut all ties with any married men you may have been involved with, even if it means moving or changing jobs. Then find a reputable counselor who can help you to process what you have been through so that you can lay those relationships to rest, turn the page and start afresh. You need to learn new and healthy ways of relating to men. Give yourself the time that you need to heal before rushing into a new relationship.
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