How: Identifying, and vocalizing your awareness of the problem is a necessary first step. Often the problem stems out of a lack of communication, poor communication, and lack of action. The resolution is to overcommunicate – spouses need to talk often, and do so respectfully. The communication and lack of action issues are most common and could be manifested in the following ways: Example #1: You may not point out something your partner does that bothers you, but over time it continues to bother you, while your partner is oblivious. Negative feelings tend to fester as they are harbored within you, and this can lead to an eventual explosion. How does this issue intensify? After an explosion has taken place, neither party is willing to change because the communication around the problem was ineffective. The problem is still occurring, and now, both partners do not feel comfortable sharing their feelings because they are afraid of starting a fight. As a result, both individuals stop nurturing the relationship, cease communication, and lose trust and respect for one another. Now they are taking each other for granted, just going through the motions of life. Taking each other for granted may lead to a whole new world of issues; since expectations are now at their greatest and there is very little appreciation for each other. Example #2: A husband feels like his wife nags too much. He tells her, but she doesn’t stop nagging him. He has told her that when she nags, the tone of her voice sounds mothering and the types of things she nags him about make him feel like she doesn’t trust him. When she refuses to change, he eventually stops talking about it, and resigns himself to this reality. Meanwhile, he begins to spend longer hours at the office, which leads to more of his wife’s wretched nagging. His time away from home causes her to feel unloved, and she resents him. At the same time, he feels controlled, which leads to more time away from home.
I think that the key to staying in a healthy relationship is to share with your partner how you feel. Be open and honest with them and don’t sweep things that bother you under the rug, because they will just fester there and become even bigger issues. You also need a partner that is open and willing to listening to your issues. I’m not saying that gives you the free range to complain about EVERYTHING that the other person does (if they do that many things that make you mad, maybe you shouldn’t be in that relationship), but if something really bothers you, open up and tell them.
You need to calmly or jokingly tell you partner that you don't like it when they do certain things. To make it easier, tell them what you prefer as opposed to what it is they're currently doing. This will help to curb bad habits before they form and become a huge issue later on in your relationship.
I think this is a great question, Pearson! I would be very vigilant about the things that keep coming up over and over again, or even better, if something really bothers you the first time your partner does it, I would make a mental note of it, because it’s probably going to be something that will continue to bother you down the line, so it’s better to address it in the beginning. But it’s very important that you know WHY something they did bothered you. THAT is what you will have to talk about.