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I am struggling in my married life. Need some marriage guidance.

1 Answer

PETTY34 said on
They say knowing is half the battle; so if you know you are struggling, it sounds like you accept some responsibility for your own part in the struggle, whatever contribution you have. The reality that this is a marital problem, not your spouse’s problem. I say this because human nature seems to compel us to blame our partners for the issues at hand, and forget, during conflict, that marriage a two-way street.  

The place to start is by initiating communication with your spouse in an open minded way.  You need to be honest and yet, tactful. Practice those areas in communication that are weak within you.  Do a full and very honest inventory of how well you listen, provide reassurance, share, and how well you maintain your tone of voice in the face of frustration.  Ask yourself, do you honestly avoid blaming, deflecting, and projecting behaviors?  Do you speak your truth?  Do you use I-statements? Chances are, every one of us will know deep inside that we can improve in one, if not all, areas.

 
Discuss what you feel you’re struggling with, and ask for your partner’s perspective on what needs to change.  If youacknowledge what they say without becoming defensive, deflecting, or creating a power struggle, your partner will most definitely appreciate it. Demonstrate active listening, by quieting yourself while your partner speaks, acknowledging their perspective, and applying small changes that show you are paying attention. For example, if your partner says you don’t help out around the house enough, maybe you disagree, but do just a little more anyhow; maybe try something new.  Perhaps one of the things you don’t do enough is to take out the trash.  So start by taking the garbage out. When you do, do so cheerfully and with a smile, make sure she sees it, but don’t rub it in.
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