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Twice in Divorce Court.

We have been in divorce court twice. Yes, it may sound crazy but we have tried to work out our issues. Although, it just seems when one issue is fixed another issue arises. Things have been so insane in our marriage that we are living in separate housing. We brought a house together about six years ago and things seemed great. Then, we decided to have another child. We already had two boys. Needless to say, we had twins. Our issues were never about finances. He complains about us not spending enough time together. He complains about my mother coming over to help with the kids occasionally and my lack of effort around the house. I work ten hours a day, in school part-time, and take on most of the responsibilities with the kids. I will occasionally ask him to assist with our children, but he often acts as though he doesn’t hear me. He was very supportive during my last pregnancy but I don’t know what happened once the kids arrived. He moved out of the house four months ago and the twins will be turning 2 years old in few weeks. I desperately want my husband back home. What should I do?

Answers (4)

hernidex said on

If my husband ever decided to move out of the house, then I would graciously assist him in packing his bags!

Does he not realize that you all have four children, two that are under the age of 2? What does he expect from you? I am a parent of five kids, three boys and two girls. If my husband ever complained about the “lack” of my contributions to the house or our relationship, I would give him a one way ticket out of our marriage. Having children is not easy, especially having multiple children under the same age. I think you should re-evaluate your relationship with your husband. I think your biggest mistake was to try the second time. You couldn’t work out your marriage issues and you all went through divorce proceedings twice. Then you tried to work things out, again but more issues arouse.

I am slightly confused why after the first time you all were in divorce court you didn’t just go through with the divorce. I’m slightly confused with the two attempts in divorce court, maybe one but not two. I think your biggest issue was trying to make something work that isn’t meant to be. You can’t make a man grow up. Men mature at a different rate then women.

doncream said on

I remember back in the late 90’s when I was having problems in my marriage and we mutually agreed to get a divorce. After months in the courtroom, we decided to give our marriage another chance. Biggest mistake of my life! We were living in separate houses and sharing custody. Our parents were also in our marriage. Our friends were in our marriage. Our marriage was no longer our marriage, but a public relationship with the world.

Moral of the story: get your marriage and life under control. It sounds like you have lost control of your marriage and life. When I figured out what I truly wanted in life, it wasn’t my family or friends. Took a while for me to realize, it wasn’t him either. I needed to find myself in life and I stayed in a marriage for the wrong reasons.

jacknic said on
You all have seemed to lose sight of your relationship. Yes! Having kids isn’t easy. No, they weren’t meant to make your lives easy. You all chose to start a family and grow your family. Although, having kids doesn’t mean the end of your relationship. The problems that you are describing remind me of all the problems we endured just a few months ago. All of our children are close in age. I am a stay at home mom and my husband works long hours outside the home. When he got home from work, he would often retreat to the bedroom because I spent my entire day micro-managing the children. By the time he made it in, as he said “it looked like I had everything under control”, so he never felt compelled to help out with the kids. We functioned like that for 5 years until one day I lost my cool with him, after spending 11 hours caring for 3 sick kids. I never told him I needed him. He needed to hear from me that I needed him. Things changed and we haven’t been down that road in over eight months. I’m only speaking from personal experience.

Good Luck, Been there before!
LoveCoach said on
valahern, I only recently found this website, and I know you asked this question a year ago, but I am interested to know how you are now...what is the state of your union, so to speak?  I would love to offer a compassionate ear if you would like to talk!  <3
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