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Wondering if this marriage is worth anything.

I’ve been married to this man for over 13 years. We have had some great years but more bad than good. I’m starting to question my decisions for staying in this relationship. A few years ago, he had an affair. I recently found out that the woman he cheated on me and had a child from that affair. He claims he only slept with her three times, but I’m starting to question “why am I still around?” I want to talk to him about it but he says it is none of my business. What should I do?

Answers (3)

wowda said on

Hi Wondering,

First of all, I commend you for staying in that relationship! There is absolutely no way that I could stay with a man that cheated on me. In fact, I didn’t! I put my running shoes on and left immediately. I wasted absolutely no timing in filling for that divorce. I don’t know how you managed to stay married to him, after he admitted to having an affair outside of your marriage.

Now, you have learned that he fathered a child with that woman. I think you have some serious decisions to make:

1) Are you strong enough to handle sharing your husband with someone else?

2) Do you think your marriage can endure anymore surprises?

I think you have a lot of questions to ask yourself. You will be sharing your husband in the sense that you will have to tolerate him communicating with that woman for at least 18 years. Secondly, do you believe that your husband can be trusted being around her and the child. You really need to question your dedication to your marriage and how much you really love yourself. You really need to talk to your husband about that situation and get your questions answered. If he really feels like he doesn’t need to talk to you about the situation, then you need to decide whether you want your marriage or not.

angel12 said on
I’m just wondering how devoted is your husband to the marriage? I couldn’t imagine him being that dedicated if he cheated and lied about having a child with the woman. I’m not saying your husband is a piece of crap, but I am wondering if you are still in your marriage for the right reasons.

If you cannot talk to your husband about your concerns with learning about this child he fathered and he keeps putting you off, as though it has nothing to do with you. I am wondering, why you are still their? I remember going through a similar situation with my ex-husband. As a woman, we have those intuitions and are intuitions are almost never wrong. Well, I went with my intuitions and did some investigation work on my own.

I was in complete shock! Yes, in shock! Not only did I learn that he had a child with another woman, but she was pregnant with their second child. I was completely applauded by my findings. I was a little like you appear. I was afraid to talk to him about the other woman, because it would always end in an argument. I walked around for about 2 years believing whatever he said about the woman. I never really questioned anything he said or did for the woman. I trusted my husband (at that time) with another woman. I went along with his rules for our marriage. I wanted the marriage more, than I wanted the respect. By the time I did my own investigation, she was already 7 months pregnant. I was hurt.

I did comfort him but he denied everything. We argued and fought for months. Things got so bad in our marriage that I moved out 2 days, before she had their second child. We spent months in court fighting. I wanted half of everything and he made sure I worked for everything I did receive from that marriage. Our divorce took three years in legal battles. At the end of the day, I wish I would have just given up and left with what I came into our marriage with. I learned so much from that horrible life event. I WILL NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN!
Loveme said on

Get Out! My best advice to you is to get out of your marriage. It’s not a marriage anymore. It is a convenience arrangement for him. He broke the bond of marriage when he laid down with her. He admitted to you that he slept with her three times. Are you completely out of your mind? Why are you still in that so-called marriage? I’m starting to wonder if there is something wrong with you. Maybe, low self-esteem or no self-respect. Sweetie, the best advice I can offer you is some that was offered to me when I was 19 yrs old. Pack your crap and run, as fast as you can!

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