It is not uncommon for couples to encounter periods of hardship and distress in marriage. My advice is to start with communication first and foremost; in the meantime, running an online search of therapists in your area, and getting that first appointment is your main priority. Even if you are going through a phase, problems can worsen or crop up again later on – so it’s best to tackle them now. Starting with communication means that you start communicating more, and check yourself that you are communicating respectfully. Checking in with your partner is important, and remember not to interrupt her. When she says something you do not agree with, respond with “hmmm,” or empathetically, “I can see why you’d feel that way.” Keep disagreements at bay or agree to disagree. Avoiding blaming statements, and owning your faults rather than deflecting or becoming defensive, are minor adjustments that yield a big return, and your partner is bound to see –and appreciate- your effort.
The fact that you know your marriage is disturbed and you are seeking to get on track is very positive and means that you are facing in the right direction. You need to be willing to take a long-term view and realize that there are no quick-fix tips when it comes to relationships, especially marriage. It requires much patience and perseverance. The more you and your spouse can each talk openly about what is disturbing you, the better. Learn to ask open ended questions and then listen very carefully to the answers – listen to what is NOT said, as well as what is said. Learn to admit when you are wrong and to ask for forgiveness.