While there are many self-help books and workshops that can help, they should not be thought of as a replacement for marriage counseling. Check your local library for titles on marriage, though. You may be able to get a lot of help understanding and resolving your marital problems, as well as some of the root causes of conflict in your relationship. You may also find self-help books for each of you individually that improve relations. Most often though, it takes a third person in the room to spot negative communication patterns and help a couple defuse intense situations, avoiding old behaviors that lead to conflict.