Usually a counselor will take a history from both parties, to better understand what current events might trigger painful past memories. Oftentimes, when we fight with our spouses, it’s because there is unresolved conflict in the past, and the curre situation brings up that pain along with the pain from the present. This can be overwhelming. It often causes intense feelings that can destroy relationships. By separating the present from the past, many couples discover they argue less, or their disagreements are less heated, because they aren’t reliving painful past traumas. Couples also learn better language for decoding emotional triggers and communicating with one another about m what they’re experiencing.