Counseling is the solution which is useful for both the partners who are willing to make good changes in their relationship. So if you have attended counseling without your wife, it won't be effective for your relationship at any cost. Read some books like Do's and Dont's of .a marriage, take suggestions from an experienced couple who have survived years of hardship and still have come out stronger.
Couples therapists are skilled professionals, and they have experience with many different kinds of relationship problems. They can help you understand the personality type and communication style of your partner, and identify what patterns of behavior are causing conflict. Getting to the root cause is often helpful, because many different problems can be tackled at once. You must realize that the counselor’s job is only to make it easier, or in some cases possible, to communicate with your spouse. You will still have to do the hard work it takes to improve the relationship, including empathizing, talking frankly and letting your guard down, and changing your behavior to better suit your spouse.