In the case of emotional or physical abuse, remove yourself from the situation. Do not try to discuss it with him as it will probably escalate out of control. Get someone to go with you to talk to him. Then go to a lawyer and start the proceedings. In most places you can divorce someone without their consent. If you are in the family home and your husband wants to fetch his belongings, get someone who will stand up to him if necessary to be with you.
If you feel compelled to divorce your husband, determine if it is safe and appropriate to engage your estranged partner about your desire for divorce. Assuming that your husband is willing to converse with you about the issues, you may be able to mitigate substantial hardship as you move through the divorce proceeding. That said, if your husband has been physically and/or emotionally abusive in the past, it is not appropriate to engage him in the divorce planning and filing. Surround yourself with support, have an escape plan in place, and do not be afraid to ask for assistance.
If you have made the decision to divorce your husband, you may not want to immediately tell him. Ponder your decision for a few months to make sure you won’t have any regrets. When you are convinced that divorce is the most appropriate course for you to take, go out and find as much information as you can to educate and empower yourself about the divorce process itself. Seek a family attorney well versed in the issues that will face you throughout the divorce process.