I have forgiven my husband but he cannot forgive himself and keeps asking why he would do this to someone he cares about so has just told me he is no longer in love with me. He’s willing to throw out marriage away even though I want to get past this. How is this fair. Before this I had no idea he was unhappy and said he loved his life. Is this just his was of finding a reason why he cheated?
Assuming that the victim of infidelity has begun to engage in the “best practices” of self-care, true recovery from infidelity can begin. If the partnership has ended, grieving is an appropriate next step. If the partnership has survived infidelity, it is important for the partners to engage in consistent and thorough counseling to explore the issues that led to infidelity, and the approaches that can be taken to mitigate the possibility of further infidelity. In all cases, the victim should be afforded ample opportunity to name and explore his or her feelings about the infidelity.
Infidelity can be almost impossible to move past if you go into with the mentatlity that there is something that they have to earn before you can forgive them. You need to be able to forgive them first, before the healing can start. If you cannot forgive them, or if they don't ask for forgiveness, then it may be time to move on.