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What are some marriage counseling questions that a couple should ask?

Answers (12)

whiterabbit said on
How do we cope with different desire? Why is always he or she staring the sexual approach? How can we both feel satisfied concerning our sexuality? My husband likes to watch porns, I don´t like it. What do we do about that?

volvophone said on Oct 16, 2015

Sorry no one has responded to you ... Porn / sexual addiction is currently a major factor in marriage, and unfortunately a topic many marriage sites don't address. This is a good resource >
freezingcoldinsummer said on
What do you hope to gain through counseling?
London said on
Who are our close friends who will support our marriage when we go through difficult seasons? Do we have people in our life that will hold us accountable to the commitment we've made? Who will encourage us to honor our marriage vows and be willing to call us out if we are straying or not prioritizing our relationship?
Katherine said on
How will we interact with and include our in-laws in our life? The merging of families can be difficult and conflicted, and things only become more conflicted when children enter the picture. Making decision and boundaries for interacting with your in-laws is a major step to familial health.
Isaac98 said on
How did you handle conflict in your home as a child? Were you ever abused? Did you ever feel afraid at home? What did you see in your childhood home that you would like to see in our home? What did you see in your childhood home that you don't want to continue in our home?
Jameson said on
What do you believe the purpose of your life is? What do you believe the purpose of marriage is? What are our shared values, and how will we implement them into the life that we share?
Lindsey said on
Do your beliefs about the purpose of life align with one another? Do your values align with one another? What fears do you have about marriage? What are you most excited for in your marriage?
Luca54 said on
How did your parents handle conflict in their marriage when you were a child? In what ways did they handle conflict well? In what ways did they fail to handle conflict healthily? What positive things did you learn from them about conflict management, and what negative things did you perhaps "inherit" from their relational issues?
Camilla said on
What are your expectations for counseling? Are we intimate enough?
Jeremiah said on
What issues are the most important to address? – The answers to this can be relatively minor (such as not helping enough around the house) or critical (like a long running affair) and anything in between. If there is anything bothering either spouse – no matter how trivial it may seem to the other – the issue is important. Don’t dismiss them; address them and get them fixed.

Is this a phase or are we bound for divorce? – Every marriage has rough patches. They happen. Outside stressors begin to come home with each person causing strain on the relationship. Even seemingly joyous events – like a new baby – can place a tremendous strain on a couple. If something new has happened you may be in a phase as the two of you adjust – this may be several months. If you have been fighting for years, it may be time to take a step back and take a relationship inventory. Seek counseling if a resolution can’t be found together.

Is there anything I do that bothers you? – Try not to see this as a loaded question. Honesty is crucial here because one spouse may have been biting their tongue on an issue for some time. Enough little annoyances can pile up and create a major catastrophe if they aren’t aired out and discussed. So bite the bullet, ask, and try not to get defensive. You’ll have your turn to tell your spouse how you’re feeling.

What are your counseling expectations? – If you’ve made it in front of a counselor you have acknowledged your relationship could use some fine-tuning. Problems have been identified and you have made the choice together to remedy them. Be clear about your expectations going in to counseling; you may be more likely to end up on the same page that way.

Are you/we willing to make the changes necessary to savet his marriage? – Both parties have to want to save the relationship for there to be any chance of saving it. Sometimes one spouse has already checked out. In this case the likelihood of picking up the pieces becomes slim. If both want to make the marriage work, make a plan and commit. You can’t change for a week and expect everything to be all better. Ditch the bad habits that got your relationship where it was before counseling. Be patient with your spouse as well big shifts don’t happen overnight, slips will happen, be supportive and help get things back on track.

There are a million different questions that can be asked in regards to counseling. These are just a few general ones that can apply to every couple. There are going to be several that will apply to your unique situation that should be taken in to account as well. Problems within a major are difficult and may not be totally obvious to the other person so bring them to light. Fight fair, don’t call each other names, and be honest about how you’re feeling. Don’t allow a problem to fester until it turns into a weapon to blindside your spouse with at a later time.
Jeremiah said on
Marriage and family therapists, psychologists, and psychotherapists have quite a bit of autonomy in their work based on the educational backgrounds that they have. Though many counselors do, too, therapists are often based on private practices and adopt their own style of therapy; therefore they can start out asking any set of questions they choose. The general approach in marriage counseling starts with the intake or pre screening appointment.  The intake screener asks the initial questions,  tries to glean what he or she can from the answers provided, and then matches the couple with a therapist. The counselor will verify information, and ask general questions at first, to build trust and get to know the clients.  At some points she will probably ask tosee you individually, since there are often complaints spouses have about one another but they will not say to, or in front of one another.  Though it could be any number of items, initial questions often have to do with our own childhood upbringing, communication style, any anxiety or depression that’s experienced, our passions, goals, and fears, what is disagreed upon, etc.
Amelia said on
Developing a list of questions is can be an extremely beneficial and therapeutic experience for engaged couples.  Marriage counseling questions are in endless supply, and can be garnered through our own creativity or by performing a little research.

Either way, asking questions serves a few purposes.   A) the couples learn a great deal about one another in a short time. B)It helps the couples strengthen their connection and develop a closer bond, c) questions prepare them for the future, forcing them to lay some groundwork for the possibility of children, in-laws, holiday plans, career goals, dealing with conflict and negotiations.

Though many couples get caught up wanting to know what specific questions they should be asking; the questions themselves are less important than the discussion that follows.  Here arefour examples of questions to lead a productive discussion:

Are you very close to your family?  Do you expect to spend holidays with them?  How could we split up our timebetween families?

Do we want children?

What are you major goals? Do you want to purchase a home?

Do you prefer some background noise or do you like the house to be very quiet?
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