The classic definition of “Emotional Abuse” points to behavior that makes another person feel stress, anxiety, sadness, and the like. If your wife is emotionally abusive, the only thing you can really do is suggest couples’ counseling and at least work on yourself. Many abusers refuse couples counseling because they do not want to change, and they are afraid the counselor will call them out on their bad behavior. it is unlikely you alone will be able to save the relationship; unless you can talk her into coming to marital counseling sessions to deal with her behavior. If she is able to acknowledge the problem, and can take the steps the therapist recommends to change her behavior, then it may be worth a try. Never try to talk to them about their behavior when they are already escalated, other than asking them to stop.