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Can you suggest some tips that can help me with my marriage problems.

Answers (18)

Marriage.com said on
Tip One:
Recognize that marital duress typically takes missteps from both partners. If you want to overcome the problems in the marital relationship, both parties will need to recognize their role in the distress. Blaming the partner for the current troubles only deepens the pain and severity of the brokenness.

 Tip Two:
Seek solutions to problems that are built on compromise and allow for an equal sharing of the sacrifices needed to right the ship. Solutions that highly favor one partner over the other create alienation and emotional distance.

DavidEllisLPC said on Aug 10, 2017

That was really good stuff.  I prefer to identify a triangle that includes passive, aggressive, and assertive options for dealing with relationship conflict.  I note that the passive approach involves not standing up for yourself, not solving the problem, and usually creates increased tension down the road.  Aggressive is when I stand up for myself without respect for the other person.  It will be a catastrophe if I don't get my way.  This is an adversarial relationship where intimacy, which always produces some sort of conflict, results in pain.

The assertive approach involves standing up for yourself with respect for the other person.  This is NOT about sharing your feelings, because your feelings are likely to come across as an attack and promote defensiveness at this time.   It requires a focus on listening to the other person to understand, not to shoot down what they are saying.  You ask the other person to do the same for you, asking for a favor rather than demanding that they change because they are an insensitive monster.   When you believe that you both understand each other, then you work as collaborators and partners to negotiate a solution that works for both of you.  I don't like to think of this as compromise, because that suggests that I am giving something up.  Instead I encourage negotiating, where you get something you didn't have.  This is about searching for solutions and it's what people mean when they say that two heads are better than one.

So you work together toward a common goal, instead of at cross purposes where the goal is that I win and you lose.  Even when you are unable to discover a mutually beneficial solution, you are able to agree to disagree, and you always walk away being heard and respected.  That's usually the real goal of arguing in the first place, it's just that arguing doesn't work.  Treat the person you love the most as if they are the person you love the most.

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LEWISR said on
Problem with in laws. Wife and husband's mother conflicting is not unheard of. Husband and wife are one unit and the husband must support the wife even if she's wrong. Mom has to understand that the son is a husband first. As hard as it sounds, wife is going to spend the rest of her life with you and she needs to understand that you respect her. You can also be diplomatic in solving the conflict if you think if you are man enough for the difficult task of convicing two women.
ROBINSON said on
It is pretty obvious that women take the most burden when it comes to taking care of children. This makes them frustrated over time. Men need to understand that marriage is a responsibilit and they are no longer bachelors. Sharing responsibilities in feeding, bathing, changing and spending time is very important to keep things exciting for both

ambery_Haeg said on Aug 8, 2018

I wish all men got that idea @Robinson. I had a friend who became a stay-at-home mom until she had her second child, and her hubby decided clearly that since he was doing almost 10-hour shifts she shouldn't ask him to help around the house. This was for the short-term but it really changed their relationship for the negative.!
WALKER said on
Differences. No marriage is one where there are no conflicts and differences. Differences can be in religion, sex, moral values, type of neighbors and the list can go on forever. The best way to settle this is to talk about the differences both tolerable and intolerable. Understand that you both are different and will have different perspectives over things in life. Talk it over and come to a consensus to make sure these differences do not come in the way ever.
PEREZ4 said on
Newly married couples have a hard time managing money as security and trust comes into play. This can bring confusions and conflicts. Planning as a couple to avoid conflicts is a great way to handle finances. Talk over how much money will be put together for spending as a family and how much will be saved to spend individually. Make sure that the latter is relatively very less as you are family now and need to spend finances together.
Andrea_hargreaves said on
communication is the key here, never put off talking about something as soon as the problem happens. If you keep things bottled up- this could leads to heated arguments where everything comes out at once. In this scenario, it is difficult to reach a resolution, as your partner may be feeling as though they are being attacked

Xena69 said on Dec 13, 2018

YOu are right about holding things in in a marriage. I have a sexless marriage. I am a 55 yearold women and still creave sex. I have a chronic condition that dries me out. I bought a bunch of  sex gel. And lubacation.  I spent alot of money with them. We both decided I need to tell him I used the lube. To me its not sexy. I shaved and showered. I smelled good. He has no desire to try and have sex with me. He gets up in the morning and gets hard watching a porn(I think)   I hear him moaning. You dont understand how that makes me feel. We aready had this conversation and he goes back to it. My marriage is broke. He barely touches me. I will do it again but I think he  needs help. He gets so mad. He thinks its fine. He dont think how I feel and what it does to our marriage.
Andrea_hargreaves said on
Answer 2---- Make time to sit down with your partner and talk about things, be open and honest even if you are angry, try to allow your partner to express there opinion. A good practice to use, even though its a hard thing to do, is to have a few 'ground rules' to start with. For example, each of you agreeing to remain quiet, whilst the other speaks and vice versa. No matter how tempting, try not to cut your partner off or worse- jump in with a disagreement. This way you can each air your views,and then have a frank discussion afterwards
Claire_Matthews said on
Its better to have a good open and honest talk with your partner before any problems arise. When you are both relaxed you can ask open ended questions about how you see yourselves in a few years time for example. This gives you a chance to openly discuss your future goals and aspirations
Claire_Matthews said on
Also I think that Communication in marriage is not just something that you do when theres a problem, it needs to be a regular thing. Its always best to stay calm and try not to start off by saying 'you always do this etc or launch into a barrage of complaints that you have. Take one thing at a time and give your partner chance to speak
Keira1 said on
Understand your spouse's love language and seek to love them in the way they feel most loved. Be intentional about this - don't think that your marrige will flourish without any work! You must actively work and be thoughtful about ways to encourage, love, and care for your spouse. Do this even if you don't "feel" like it.
Alexandra said on
Make time for conversation in your marriage and ask each other thoughtful questions. It can be easy to come home from a long workday and vegetate on the couch or watch netflix without ever really discussing what's going on with each other. Healthy couples make time to look each other in the eye and have good conversations. You should always continue getting to know your spouse.
JorgeSontag said on
Marriage problems has more external issues than internal at times. In this case in-laws is a universal problem. Husband's mother is going to be a problem ladies. Understand husbands that you and your wife are one single unit now and this means you need to be supportive even if your wife is wrong. That might sound counterintuitive but think about it hard as she has come to your life risking everything else and you are her only hope. Besides, you need to respect her and support her in a conflict. You can be politc as well or good enough to satisfy the ego of two women.
EdmundMcilrath said on
All said and done, women take the most time for children than men. Men should understand this and accept this as well otherwise this becomes a chore which is frustrating for women. Men should understand that they are not bachelors to go drinking all over and take over commitments. Share the responsibility in feeding, changing clothes, spending time, and batching the child. This will keep it exciting for both.
ElbertBlackstock said on
Marriage problems start because of differences. Understand that you both are from different places, cultures or thought processes, if not at least families and differences will occur. Differences occur in religion, morales, types of friends, sex, fitness, diets, and what not. There are then differences that can be tolerated and those that can't be. Accept that you are different with opposite views and talk about it and make sure these things do not interupt good living. I can't stress how important talking about these problems are.
EfrainRidout said on
Trust, security and finances all play a sensitive role in the begining of a marriage. Couples might not always trust each other completely on this ironically. Conflicts will follow. This could be avoided too by planning finances which also takes off confusions. Split funds into spending for family and money spent for luxuries and stuff. Talk about it and since you are family now, decide this together. Make also time to save some money please as this is very important.
remondwilliam said on
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Jus4fun said on
Go to a Marriage counsler
Marriage Designer said on
Moving in together is a major step in a relationship, be it before or after marriage, two people who are committed to each other need to know what to be prepared for when they’re living together and overcome the challenges, you can either consult a good couple counsellor, but getting a good one worth your money will be challenging.
We, at MarriageDesigner.com, help couples like yourself through a series of 10 short stories and helpful commentary; you will explore the common problems faced in relationships.

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