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Can you suggest some tips that can help me with my marriage problems.

Answers (15)

Marriage.com said on
Tip One:
Recognize that marital duress typically takes missteps from both partners. If you want to overcome the problems in the marital relationship, both parties will need to recognize their role in the distress. Blaming the partner for the current troubles only deepens the pain and severity of the brokenness.

 Tip Two:
Seek solutions to problems that are built on compromise and allow for an equal sharing of the sacrifices needed to right the ship. Solutions that highly favor one partner over the other create alienation and emotional distance.

DavidEllisLPC said on Aug 10

That was really good stuff.  I prefer to identify a triangle that includes passive, aggressive, and assertive options for dealing with relationship conflict.  I note that the passive approach involves not standing up for yourself, not solving the problem, and usually creates increased tension down the road.  Aggressive is when I stand up for myself without respect for the other person.  It will be a catastrophe if I don't get my way.  This is an adversarial relationship where intimacy, which always produces some sort of conflict, results in pain.

The assertive approach involves standing up for yourself with respect for the other person.  This is NOT about sharing your feelings, because your feelings are likely to come across as an attack and promote defensiveness at this time.   It requires a focus on listening to the other person to understand, not to shoot down what they are saying.  You ask the other person to do the same for you, asking for a favor rather than demanding that they change because they are an insensitive monster.   When you believe that you both understand each other, then you work as collaborators and partners to negotiate a solution that works for both of you.  I don't like to think of this as compromise, because that suggests that I am giving something up.  Instead I encourage negotiating, where you get something you didn't have.  This is about searching for solutions and it's what people mean when they say that two heads are better than one.

So you work together toward a common goal, instead of at cross purposes where the goal is that I win and you lose.  Even when you are unable to discover a mutually beneficial solution, you are able to agree to disagree, and you always walk away being heard and respected.  That's usually the real goal of arguing in the first place, it's just that arguing doesn't work.  Treat the person you love the most as if they are the person you love the most.
LEWISR said on
Problem with in laws. Wife and husband's mother conflicting is not unheard of. Husband and wife are one unit and the husband must support the wife even if she's wrong. Mom has to understand that the son is a husband first. As hard as it sounds, wife is going to spend the rest of her life with you and she needs to understand that you respect her. You can also be diplomatic in solving the conflict if you think if you are man enough for the difficult task of convicing two women.
ROBINSON said on
It is pretty obvious that women take the most burden when it comes to taking care of children. This makes them frustrated over time. Men need to understand that marriage is a responsibilit and they are no longer bachelors. Sharing responsibilities in feeding, bathing, changing and spending time is very important to keep things exciting for both
WALKER said on
Differences. No marriage is one where there are no conflicts and differences. Differences can be in religion, sex, moral values, type of neighbors and the list can go on forever. The best way to settle this is to talk about the differences both tolerable and intolerable. Understand that you both are different and will have different perspectives over things in life. Talk it over and come to a consensus to make sure these differences do not come in the way ever.
PEREZ4 said on
Newly married couples have a hard time managing money as security and trust comes into play. This can bring confusions and conflicts. Planning as a couple to avoid conflicts is a great way to handle finances. Talk over how much money will be put together for spending as a family and how much will be saved to spend individually. Make sure that the latter is relatively very less as you are family now and need to spend finances together.
Andrea_hargreaves said on
communication is the key here, never put off talking about something as soon as the problem happens. If you keep things bottled up- this could leads to heated arguments where everything comes out at once. In this scenario, it is difficult to reach a resolution, as your partner may be feeling as though they are being attacked
Andrea_hargreaves said on
Answer 2---- Make time to sit down with your partner and talk about things, be open and honest even if you are angry, try to allow your partner to express there opinion. A good practice to use, even though its a hard thing to do, is to have a few 'ground rules' to start with. For example, each of you agreeing to remain quiet, whilst the other speaks and vice versa. No matter how tempting, try not to cut your partner off or worse- jump in with a disagreement. This way you can each air your views,and then have a frank discussion afterwards
Claire_Matthews said on
Its better to have a good open and honest talk with your partner before any problems arise. When you are both relaxed you can ask open ended questions about how you see yourselves in a few years time for example. This gives you a chance to openly discuss your future goals and aspirations
Claire_Matthews said on
Also I think that Communication in marriage is not just something that you do when theres a problem, it needs to be a regular thing. Its always best to stay calm and try not to start off by saying 'you always do this etc or launch into a barrage of complaints that you have. Take one thing at a time and give your partner chance to speak
Keira1 said on
Understand your spouse's love language and seek to love them in the way they feel most loved. Be intentional about this - don't think that your marrige will flourish without any work! You must actively work and be thoughtful about ways to encourage, love, and care for your spouse. Do this even if you don't "feel" like it.
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