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What can I do to save my marriage and prevent divorce?

Answers (3)

helpinghand said on
Hi Coralin,

The truth is that maintaining something that isn’t working brings on more pain, and the worst thing you can do is put it off,  for at that point you may be dragging out the inevitable.

Couple’s counseling is probably the most effective strategy if you are facing possible divorce or separation.

For marital counseling to be effective, both parties must want the marriage to work.  They must be willing to pursue the program and practice the suggestions the counselor gives. In addition, the counselor must be the right one, one with whom you both click, and one whose advice proves helpful moving forward.  If the counselor you choose does not work for one or both of you, try a different counselor.

If both parties love each other, they may be just fine if they learn to communicate well and often.   There must also be respect, and trust in the relationship.  Your counselor can help you identify the issues, feelings, and behaviors causing the problems you face.  He or she or she should be able to provide you with talking points, and strategies to modify  certain behaviors.

After a few months, take stock of your progress.  Check in with your partner frequently, but only with a loving approach, and when the time is right for both of you.  Avoid initiating any serious communication when either one of you is angry.
LoveCoach said on
coralin$, I absolutely disagree about both parties needing or wanting the marriage to work.  I have worked with a number of people where they were the only one wanting to work on the marriage, and within a very short amount of time (sometimes even 48 hours!) they were able to turn things around. If both people are wanting to work on it, yes of course it would make it easier.  There is quite a bit that you can do on your own, also.   I would say that you need to get back to a point of when you first fell in love and got married.  There is a level of relationship where you fully give love to your partner without regard to reciprocation, for the pure joy of giving them love.  If you 100% commit to following prescribed steps, I can guarantee you will know without a doubt, you gave everything HE needed, not just what you thought he needed or wanted. Jane.s I work with couples all over the world, and I can tell you that as long as YOU want to save the relationship and give it 100%, the other person will feel your love and you have a very good chance of saving the relationship, and if you give 100% and it still falls apart, then at least you will know that you have given EVERYTHING HE NEEDED (NOT what you had to give).  I would HIGHLY recommend Gary Chapman's books...Four Seasons of Marriage AND the Five Love Languages...in the Love Languages book, you both take a little quiz that guides you to learning each other's love language...in other words, how does your partner like to receive love? Are they tactile and physical or are they more verbal or perhaps they like the acts of service such as washing their car or running errands that they need to do or perhaps they are visual and they like little love notes or gifts...knowing how your PARTNER likes to receive love will give you lots of insight into areas that might be murky right now...I hear from people all the time that say, "I have given all that I have, I can't do any more" and just by helping them realize that they have been giving in a way that THEY would like to receive, but wasn't necessarily warmly received and therefore not as effective, we can re-shift their thinking and their approach and turn things around!! With every couple that comes to me, they always present with a problem or an issue they want to deal with, and after just a session or sometimes two, we find the deeper, more impactful issue that really needs dealt with, and then we can build an amazing relationship for them and their entire world!  When our intimate relationship isn't all that we want or need it to be, it can adversely affect all areas of our life, from work, to family, to finances, to spirituality, to health, to our emotional wellbeing. You can save your marriage, and it will be well worth the time and energy you invest if you are committed! I would love to work with you, if you are interested, whether it would just be you or if there is a chance that both of you would want to work together, it really can be spectacular and bring a whole new level of intimacy to your relationship!!
helpinghand said on
Stopping a divorce can be easy and difficult at the same time. The easiest way to stop a divorce has been documented by many professionals is simply to change the circumstances that led to the divorce.

Most couples grow apart due to various problems that they encounter and never really know how to get their way back to the days when they were happy.

The cure for this would be listening to each other, trying to create a new loving environment something different from what you had, this is because both partners have changed and their way of seeing each other (or the world) when it comes to love is totally different.

The couple also has to be patient and give their all in terms of making the marriage work. This is the only way that they may be able to stop a divorce.

Stopping a divorce will have to be a team effort for the couple and both of them have to want to make it work. That's what I think.
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