Sign Up
Username must not be empty
Password must not be empty
Already have an account? Login

How can I save my marriage after a separation?

My husband and I have decided to part ways... we decided to seperate for a while and then think things over if we want...Its been a couple of months only ...but I think I should save my marriage. I don't have a clue how I can do that though... Please help.

Answers (6)

onelove11 said on
Only you and your spouse know the intimate details of your connection, and issues that lead to your separation. In such circumstances, there is usually one party who initiated the separation and one party who is resistive.

If the separation is fresh, the best thing you can do for yourselves, and the relationship is to implement a no-contact period of at least 30 days.  That’s right.  If you are still close, then this will be difficult to hear, let alone do.  But trust me – if you can commit to no talking, no texting, email, etc. For thirty days, you will reap the benefits one way or another.

It won’t be easy, and at first, it may seem impossible.However, after the first week, things will get easier.   A period of emotional space in a separation is more important than the physical space.

Separation is sometimes the best thing for a couple. Sometimes it lends itself to reconnection and healing, and sometimes, permanency or divorce. Trust that whatever happens IS the best outcome, even if you don’t agree at the time.

By truly committing yourselves to the thirty- days-of-no-contact rule, you will have the necessary space to focus on you, find yourself, and see the situation from a new perspective without those foggy lenses we all wear when in love. After the time has elapsed, you will most likely feel like a changed person, more optimistic and clear-headed- and this is the best time to reconvene for a talk.
LoveCoach said on
rita, I am so sorry that you are going through this.  I can tell you that I work with couples and one partner all the time.  If one partner wants to and is willing to work, the marriage can be saved.  The trick is to get back to when you first fell in love with each other.
Through a series of sessions, either alone or with your partner, we could work on exactly how to re-ignite the spark and to bring back the passion and intimacy that you had at the beginning.  I would say that the sooner you begin the work, the better, as the longer you are apart, the easier it will be to forget the love and passion you had in the beginning.  I have a 90 day challenge that I give to the couples I work with, where they do EXACTLY what I suggest for a minimum of 90 days, and if after that, they still think they should divorce, then at least they will know they gave 100% of what the partner needed, not just what you thought he needed.

 I work with couples all over the world, and I can tell you that as long as YOU want to save the relationship and give it 100%, the other person will feel your love and you have a very good chance of saving the relationship, and if you give 100% and it still falls apart, then at least you will know that you have given EVERYTHING HE NEEDED (NOT what you had to give).  

I would HIGHLY recommend Gary Chapman's books...Four Seasons of Marriage AND the Five Love the Love Languages book, you both take a little quiz that guides you to learning each other's love other words, how does your partner like to receive love? Are they tactile and physical or are they more verbal or perhaps they like the acts of service such as washing their car or running errands that they need to do or perhaps they are visual and they like little love notes or gifts...knowing how your PARTNER likes to receive love will give you lots of insight into areas that might be murky right now...I hear from people all the time that say, "I have given all that I have, I can't do any more" and just by helping them realize that they have been giving in a way that THEY would like to receive, but wasn't necessarily warmly received and therefore not as effective, we can re-shift their thinking and their approach and turn things around!! With every couple that comes to me, they always present with a problem or an issue they want to deal with, and after just a session or sometimes two, we find the deeper, more impactful issue that really needs dealt with, and then we can build an amazing relationship for them and their entire world!  

When our intimate relationship isn't all that we want or need it to be, it can adversely affect all areas of our life, from work, to family, to finances, to spirituality, to health, to our emotional wellbeing. You can save your marriage, and it will be well worth the time and energy you invest if you are committed! I have never had a couple divorce after this challenge, because they learn/re-learn how to love.  :-)  I wish you all the best, and if you would like to work with me, I would be happy to schedule an initial consultation!  Take care and God bless!
1stWorldNews said on
Trump Brings Prestige to the Mail Order Bride Industry.

For years, International Marriage Services had to live with the stigma of being referred to as Mail Order Bride services. However, many consider the term "mail-order bride" derogatory and feel it demeans foreign women by comparing them to commodities for sale and falsely implying that (unlike local women), they exercise no judgment over the men they meet and would marry anyone from a relatively wealthy country. Even with the foreign women being labeled as mail order brides these companies have grown in popularity for the past two decades, largely due to the internet.   The industry grew at such a fast pace it caught the attention of the US senator Maria Cantwell of Washington State,  who in 2006 she  pushed  a bill through congress known as IMBRA or International Marriage Brokers Regulation Act. Although the intent of Senator Cantwell was clearly meant to put Foreign Bride Companies out of business by severely restricting how men communicate with foreign women.  In the end, the companies flourished under the new regulations as these business quickly modified their business models.

Kenneth Agee, marketing Director for A Foreign Affair one of the largest so called Mail Order Bride Companies says, "We have always had to overcome this label. Since Trump announced his candidacy for president of the United States, the industry saw a significant increase in upscale business men looking for foreign brides. Once he became president, Trump made it the new status symbol of success to be married to an eastern European women. With First Lady Melanie Trump in the White House, opinions about foreign women have dramatically changed. Once men were scorned upon to be married to a women from Russian or the Ukraine, now is seen as prestigious. And we are seeing huge increase of men seeking foreign brides, our client base is up by more than 200% since Trump has taken office. This month alone we will be taking over 100 American men to the Ukraine, mostly very successful executives." Beside online matchmaking, the company arranges group tours for men that will travel to countries throughout the world. During these tours the men will meet hundreds of pre-screened women during what A Foreign Affair calls "Social Events" or what Kenneth calls speed dating on steroids.

Critics say these women are just used as arm trophies for business men in America.  That men take advantage of the women's circumstances, both economical and geographical.  Kenneth argues, "I would hardly say Melanie Trump has been taken advantage of or refer her to as a Mail Order Bride.  Women choose just like the men choose, we are all adults and are responsible for our own choices. It is just that men in America have a good reputation for the way we treat women and how we take care of our families. This opens the door to the men to meet some of the most beautiful women in the world."

Trump is not the only high profile person to marry a foreign women, Jeb Bush met his wife in Mexico. Rupert Murdoch former CEO of Fox News married Wendi Deng from China, and the list goes on.

If Trump accomplishes nothing else during his presidency he has clearly helped one Industry.
atruelove2005 said on
Why You Shouldn’t Be Ashamed of Your Divorce
Divorce is quite common nowadays, and while it can be difficult to parties going through it, there is a social stigma surrounding it. When that happens, divorced couples have been reported to feel shame, isolated and even depressed. There's nothing wrong with divorce - if two people can't make their marriage work and it is no longer worth it, then it's better to let go.
No matter whose fault it was or what circumstance brought the marriage to an end, there are many reasons why you should not be ashamed about your divorce:
1. Remember Why You Divorced in the First Place
Outsiders not involved in the marriage should remain where they are: outside. Regardless of what people will inevitably say of your failed marriage, the crucial thing to remember is the reasons why the union resulted in divorce. No matter what the reasons are: abusive partner, infidelity, money, unrealistic expectations, etc., you are in the right for separating with them.
2. Divorce is Not a Failure; Marriage is Not Always the Best
A failed marriage does not mean you're a failure in life and everything. Humans experience failures at the time. Some experience it with jobs, in school, finance, and some in relationships. Instead of mulling over the negatives, think of divorce as a sort of a fresh start.
While marriages that end in divorce is always a sign that your romantic relationship with your partner is over, it doesn't mean it has to end forever. This is especially useful when children are involved. Assuming that you’re both are co-parenting - it can be hard if the two of you are not actively participating.
3. Yours are Neither the First Nor the Last Divorce Case
When you talk with a group of people your age, it is highly likely that a handful of them are divorced or are going through it. You'd be surprised by how many people lead exciting lives after their divorce. This confirms that divorce is not a failure and that everyone going through it should embrace their fresh new start in order to attract new things in their lives.
Do you have any opinions about why divorcees shouldn’t be ashamed of their failed marriages? Let’s talk about it in this thread. I really want to know what you have to say.

atruelove2005 said on
How Do You Know It's True Love?

Love can be pretty powerful. It is the most basic human emotion that everyone is capable of. Some people say "you just know" when you've met that person meant to be in your life. It is described as a soul-consuming, all-encompassing, takes-your-breath-away kind of feeling by those who know it.
Others say that the butterflies in their stomach flutter whenever their loved one is near. While most people don't believe in fanciful feelings like this, those who have encountered true love do.
So, how do you know it’s true love? For me, it’s:

1.Their happiness is yours - You do little things for your partner like sending them their favorite food at work, giving them a massage after a long day, or simply fixing them a cup of their favorite beverage for no reason at all. You do things that please them for their sake without being told to or whatnot because it simply makes them happy.

2.You always notice the little things – You pay more attention to the little details in your partner including his habits, preferences and food choices. Chances are, before your current partner, you never noticed these things. This is related to the first one, but you know how to make your partner’s coffee exactly the way they want it, or how they want their eggs in the morning.

3.Being with them feels like coming home – You feel more at ease in their presence than anywhere in the world without them. Their effect on you feels like a warm hug which reassures you and comforts you like no other.

4.You don’t desire other people - You still feel attraction for other people, but you don’t necessarily desire them. Yes, other people are beautiful/handsome but you don’t want them because you have someone you truly value.

5.You resolve conflicts right away – You both know you are adults, and you’re done playing with games. In past relationships, issues may take a few days before it is resolved. But it’s true love when you both can’t stand going to bed at night when there’s something wrong going on between the two of you.
How about you? How would you describe what true love feels like? Let me know in this thread!
SuperDev said on
Sign Up to post your answer
Username must not be empty
Password must not be empty
Already have an account? Login

Post your answer