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How can I save my marriage?

My marriage is not working anymore..What can I do to save my marriage? Or should I give up?

Answers (11)

henry09 said on
The old adage, “It takes two to tango” is apropos here. If a marriage is in crisis, both parties must exhibit a willingness to do the work necessary to identify and then address the core issues. Saving a troubled marriage requires honesty, changes in behavior, and a willingness to practice forgiveness. Couples must also seek help from therapists, clergy, and other professionals skilled in the healing arts.

Adopting “I feel” language is also an important way couples may express concerns to one another without using demeaning “You” language. An openness to compromise is essential, too. Unilateral demands and decisions will deepen the marital angst.
LoveCoach said on
Jane.s I work with couples all over the world, and I can tell you that as long as YOU want to save the relationship and give it 100%, the other person will feel your love and you have a very good chance of saving the relationship, and if you give 100% and it still falls apart, then at least you will know that you have given EVERYTHING HE NEEDED (NOT what you had to give).  I would HIGHLY recommend Gary Chapman's books...Four Seasons of Marriage AND the Five Love Languages...in the Love Languages book, you both take a little quiz that guides you to learning each other's love language...in other words, how does your partner like to receive love? Are they tactile and physical or are they more verbal or perhaps they like the acts of service such as washing their car or running errands that they need to do or perhaps they are visual and they like little love notes or gifts...knowing how your PARTNER likes to receive love will give you lots of insight into areas that might be murky right now...I hear from people all the time that say, "I have given all that I have, I can't do any more" and just by helping them realize that they have been giving in a way that THEY would like to receive, but wasn't necessarily warmly received and therefore not as effective, we can re-shift their thinking and their approach and turn things around!! With every couple that comes to me, they always present with a problem or an issue they want to deal with, and after just a session or sometimes two, we find the deeper, more impactful issue that really needs dealt with, and then we can build an amazing relationship for them and their entire world!  When our intimate relationship isn't all that we want or need it to be, it can adversely affect all areas of our life, from work, to family, to finances, to spirituality, to health, to our emotional wellbeing. You can save your marriage, and it will be well worth the time and energy you invest if you are committed!
helpinghand said on
Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship, in my opinion.  But as the old saying goes, it takes two to tango.

In other words, both partners have to be willing to do the work.  If one person isn't actively putting forth the effort to communicate, then the balance may be permanently disrupted.

Although "I" statements may seem cliché, they are still a great communication tool. , I urge you to try this method; it actually works well with some practice.  Avoid false "I" statements that are shrouded in blame, however.  For example. When  you present your feelings, practice saying “I feel”,  and the next word should be the name of an actual feeling, such as “I feel disappointed”.  

As if this isn't difficult enough, the blaming piece comes when the  sentence goes,“(I feel disappointed when YOU….”

Using the “you” statements  are communication killers, because the next words are always bound to trigger your partner into defense mode.

If the two of you can  communicate without these common errors, the result will be a natural increase in your respect and trust in one another.  When communicating effectively, you'll find the talks become more valuable and productive.
helpinghand said on
I feel here is no way to save a marriage from divorce on your own. If one of the partners is unwilling to discuss the issues leading to the dissolution of the marriage, there is no way to move forward with reconciliation and rebirth. That said, if both partners recognize the core issues and share a willingness to talk through problems and seek viable solutions, there may be a path forward. As with all types of relational distress, compromise is necessary from all involved. Using available resources like counseling, self-help writings, and spiritual support are cathartic moves, as well.
said on
micheal.209
Take time away together to openly discuss issues and reconnect. One great marriage counselor said his best advice ever was to "take a day off together" - so simple, but it can make such a difference in the health of your marriage! Go to a place where there are no distractions and force yourselves to share your feelings!
said on
julia.fernands
Be honest with yourself about your spouse's failings, but also be honest with yourself about your own failings. As you work through issues, seek to fix your own problems before you try to get your spouse to fix theirs.
Sydney said on
Determine the issues and work together to fix whatever complications are there. Each partner must be willing to be flexible and consider the needs of the relationship over their personal desires.
Christian said on
Very often, marriage starts to fail because couples are not nourishing the relationship.  The hustle and bustle of daily life can
sometimes cause partners to cease up on loving each other, because they are no longer prioritizing their partnership in the same way.  They may cease to have sex, and may spend very little time together.  Couples may begin to take one another for granted, and they may have many more disagreements and argue more frequently.  To save your marriage, both partners will need to work at nourishing the connection.  Keeping up on your appearance, and making time just for each other, adding spice and romance back to the relationship are small efforts that can do wonders toward re-establishing the connection.  Work on communicating often, and avoid blaming and various forms of negativity.
SUMMERS said on
If your marriage is in trouble, it may take a lot of work to salvage.  First, you’ll want to be sure the relationship is founded in the bedrock of trust and respect.  While love is an essential ingredient, these other qualities are also necessary if you are to work things out with your spouse.  To save a troubled marriage, ask yourself whether each partner trusts and respects the other.  If the answer is no to any of those questions, that is where you’ll need to begin – by building trust or setting the correct expectations about how to demonstrate respect.
FITZGERALD said on
Whether or not your marriage can be saved will depend to a large extent on the reason or reasons that have contributed to the breakdown. As there are two equal partners in a marriage it requires both partners to be equally engaged and committed to building a healthy marriage together. If one partner takes more responsibility than the other and somehow feels that saving the marriage is up to them alone, then it does not usually result in a balanced or healthy outcome. When you and your spouse are ready to say together “How can we save our marriage?” then you could benefit greatly by finding a reputable marriage counselor or therapist who can help you to rebuild your marriage together.
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