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What preparations should I do before marriage?

I live in India and am getting married in a few months.How can I prepare myself for this. What preperations should I make?

Answers (6)

andrea.paul said on
The best preparation for marriage entails “getting your house in order.” This means having a thorough physical check to your health. Pre-marital counseling – individual and with your partner - is a vital preparation step. Discussing financial issues like debt, savings, spending patterns, retirement readiness, etc. is an important facet of marriage preparation. Also, you should discuss issues like career aspirations, children, residences, and the like with your partner. The biggest key, of course, is honesty. Be honest with your partner about every issue you discuss with him or her.
LoveCoach said on
Shamishta, your culture, as you know, has lots of customs that I am sure you want to follow, so please make sure you consult with your religious guides to get their guidance.  Also, Andrea brings up many good talking points...all of these issues are important in a marriage, and if not discussed beforehand, they are potential roadblocks that could easily have been avoided.  Along with the topics for discussion that Andrea poses, I would also pose these to you as they will prepare you for those little "curve balls" as we call them...the things life throws at us when we least expect it....
1.  How and when will you argue?  Will you have these exchanges as soon as the issue presents itself or will you schedule it for a later time when both partners have had time to process and calm?  
2.  Will you use past behaviors in your discussions?
3.   Do you have a SAFE word?  A word used by either partner to signal that things are getting too heated and you need to take a break before one of you says or does something they will regret?
4.  What will your day to day schedule look like and what household/family chores and errands will each partner be responsible for completing?  What about your time together?  
5.  Will you have date nights or perhaps time where you volunteer together for a non-profit you both enjoy?  What about your individual creative outlets?  Will you share those or will they be reserved only for your time alone?  
6.  What is the way your partner most likes to receive love?  Are they tactile and love to be touched, kissed, hugged, made love to, or are they visual and they like texts, notes, or gifts that you send or give unexpectedly?  Are perhaps they like "acts of service"-washing their car, changing the oil, filling the gas tank, running errands they need to run, etc or perhaps they are auditory and they need to hear they are doing a good job or that you love them and this could be with phone calls, voice notes, or whispers in their ear... by knowing how your partner likes to receive love, it will make it easy for you to know they always know you love them.  
There is a wonderful book by Gary Chapman called the Five Love Languages and in that book there are quizzes for both men and women and at the end you will know your partner's love language, and you can then learn to "speak" it frequently and fluently!
Lesterwife said on
DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

helpinghand said on Jul 2, 2015

I think she's headed in the right direction with this. Why do u say don't do it?
LoveCoach said on
What is making you say this?  I want to help people, and that includes you.  If you take the first step and reach out to me, I can help you with whatever you are trying to deal with and help you live with more gratitude, abundance, and passion!  <3

Lesterwife said on Jul 2, 2015

I did in another post. I'm sorry I'm just completely numb. My husband and I have been together 13 years married 8. He is the ONLY man I have ever had sexual relations with. Before we were married he had 2 affairs. One sexual one emotional. I forgave. Never forgot b/c they were painful experiences but I forgave and we grew closer. Had a pretty good marriage. Now have a 3 1/2 year old daughter. However about 8 months ago he got a promotion which requires him to work in another town leave Mond morning come home Friday afternoon. I told him the decision was up to him and I would support him with whatever he decided to do that we would make it work. He took the job. We talked, emailed, texted and Facetimed in the evenings. He apparently met a 23 year old (younger than my younger sister), blonde, single mom waitress at the waffle house that he couldn't stay away from. They were talking and seeing each other behind my back for 6 months before I found out. When I found out we separated for a few weeks. Then one night we talked and he said how sorry he was and that after being separated he realizes how much he truly loves me and doesn't want to live without me. I told him he had to end it with her, I needed to know if he saw her or if she called/texted him. He agreed. I forgave and gave it another try. Even after what hurt the most. See my husband was sexually molested as a child. That is all I know. He has never to this day told me details. However he confessed that she knows everything in detail about what happened to him. That hurt the most considering he still has not told me. Me his best friend, Mate, Wife, for the last 13 years. So anyway our marriage was going great. He was being better to me, I was putting him first in ways I had not since our daughter came along and BOOM guess what. 3 months later my phone bill comes up to be paid. Its a detailed bill and guess what? He never ended it with her. The whole time they were talking they were using his work phone. I don't have the password to it or access to that bill. After our reconciliation he or she decided to use his personal phone. My bill doesn't give me the conversations but it didn't have to. 4-5 pages of her number only back and forth, then mixed in with the other calls. Some from her at 3:30-4 AM. I found a picture of them together with her sitting on his lap in his email. Now he swears it is over between them. He doesn't want to loose me. He cries and begs for one more chance. He is still working out of town where she lives mon-fri. I'm sorry I'm just being bitter. I don't want other women to go through this pain. I just don't see how I could ever trust him again. And as far as another chance I already gave him one when I first found out about her. How many times do I need to be made to feel this way? This is why I tell her don't do it. Sorry just my own personal experience but if I could give her one piece of advice. NO social media or NO single friends of the opposite sex.
LoveCoach said on
Okay, first of all, thank you so much for sharing, I know how bringing all of this to light can make a woman feel.  It truly sounds to me like you want your marriage to work...you have a beautiful child together, and you can have an amazing life...we just need to get you past this rough spot.  As for the other woman knowing the intimate details, or what she knows for sure, you don't know, and even if you did, it really wouldn't make you feel any better.  The fact is, he felt more at ease talking to her about it than you, and while that might hurt, if you could find it inside yourself to love him unconditionally and to be happy that he is at least able to talk about it with someone, that is a start.  As for him sharing the details with you, I have no doubts that after a few sessions together, he would WANT to share with you because the two of you would regain the intimacy you once had, and it would be at even higher levels after surviving and thriving following infidelity.  I just don't want you to give up without giving 1000% not of what you THINK he needs but what he TRULY needs.  The one thing I see in couples over and over again is their RULES for love...that is not supposed to be how it is...just as we would NEVER stop loving our child no matter what they do, we are never to stop loving our mate/spouse/partner for what they do or do not do.  The reason you feel betrayed is because of the meaning you are giving things, and while it is understandable, it doesn't serve anyone.  By shifting the meaning, we could shift you back into love, passion, and intimacy, I have ZERO doubt!  I would love the opportunity to work with the two of you, if you are open to that.  It can all be done via Skype or Facetime, so no matter where he is, no matter where you are, we could work on putting this wonderful little family back together again!!  <3
Lesterwife said on
Not sure i want to, to be honest. I do love him, but i will always love him. He was my first and only sexual partner, my husband, the father of my child and my mate for the last 13years. However at this point i have to shield myself. I cannot keep being hurt like this, it is unacceptable. I am worth more than constantly being cheated on and lied to repeatedly. He actually told her the second time he knew he was gonna get caught but i was so sweet that i would just forgive him again. He told her this. I'm sick of my kindness being taken for weakness, i'm sick and tired of being done wrong. I have a daughter now and i am dang sure not gonna teach her that this is ok to deal with or put up with in her own relationships when she grows up. And your comment below has hit me a little wrong.
"The reason you feel betrayed is because of the meaning you are giving things, and while it is understandable, it doesn't serve anyone."
I'm sorry no. The reason i feel betrayed is because i was betrayed. By someone who took vows never to do as such. And as far as serving anyone.....I'm tired of serving others (with the exception of my daughter). All i have ever done my entire life is try to make everyone else in my life happy and help them reach goals to do just that. Everyone else in my life my spouse included has always come first. I am hurt now to the point i think its time i put myself first for awhile. I'm sorry but after one affair i might could understand your advice but this is my (if you count this last one twice b/c of the two times i talked about) i've had to deal with this 4 times. Seriously you think a habitual cheater can change and that the emotionally numb wife would want to work it out? I appreciate the help but i don't think i can stay with this man. Like i told him when he promised a week ago that this would never happen again. I told him, " Only God knows the future. You cannot guarantee me that. ". It's true he can't and even if he could, after all the lies he has told me over the last few months how in the world would i believe him?
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