how does your partner like to receive love? Are they tactile and physical or are they more verbal or perhaps they like the acts of service such as washing their car or running errands that they need to do or perhaps they are visual and they like little love notes or gifts...knowing how your PARTNER likes to receive love will give you lots of insight into areas that might be murky right now...I hear from people all the time that say, "I have given all that I have, I can't do any more" and just by helping them realize that they have been giving in a way that THEY would like to receive, but wasn't necessarily warmly received and therefore not as effective, we can re-shift their thinking and their approach and turn things around!! With every couple that comes to me, they always present with a problem or an issue they want to deal with, and after just a session or sometimes two, we find the deeper, more impactful issue that really needs dealt with, and then we can build an amazing relationship for them and their entire world! When our intimate relationship isn't all that we want or need it to be, it can adversely affect all areas of our life, from work, to family, to finances, to spirituality, to health, to our emotional wellbeing. You can save your marriage, and it will be well worth the time and energy you invest if you are committed!
It’s a wise man who once said “During your vows, you do not say ‘until divorce parts us’ but ‘until death parts us’.
Marriage is meant to last forever.”
And honestly, that’s what should make a marital union different from any other kind of relationship: it’s about two people who made the commitment to be with---and for---each other no matter what.
That’s not to say that there won’t be times when things won’t get hard, times when things won’t seem close to impossible even.
There can be communication and intimacy issues. There can be financial problems. There may be the temptation to engage in a physical or emotional affair. Or, there can simply be so many offenses done (ones that are not addressed and/or forgiven) that you can get to a point and place where you feel that your relationship is so broken that it is beyond repair.
In those moments, you might think that it makes more sense to end your marriage than fight for it. Yet the thing to remember is that there are seasons in everything, even in marriage . And so, in hard times, first think about what made you decide to marry the person you did in the first place. Then reflect on the good things about them and the good times that you shared. If they are willing, request to take a vacation (or staycation) so that you can focus on nothing but one another. And most importantly, seek out a marriage counselor. You both are going to need an advocate for your marriage; someone who has the tools and expertise to help you both to express your feelings in a healthy and productive way while finding viable solutions to your problems.
Your marriage doesn’t have to be over just because it’s hard. Let not only love be your motivation, but commitment too.
The first step in fixing a broken relationship is recognizing that it cannot be fixed by even the most herculean efforts if only one partner is interested in fixing the relationship. It takes two to tango. That said, if partners are willing to honestly discuss the problems that lead to the duress, healing is possible. Here’s where a neutral voice is very helpful. Identifying a counselor, psychologist, or spiritual leader who can listen to the issues presented by the couple and then offer some paths forward is an especially helpfully move. It may be worthwhile for a couple to take a retreat of some kind to rest, talk, and revisit the common ground that led to the partnering in the first place.