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Asked by Last Updated:

How to ask for relationship advice

I am a 54 year old man, been married for 17 years .
I have an understanding wife and 2 kids as well.
I have always been the head of the family, people always come to me for guidance including all my friends and family members.
I believe that is because I have always lived and acted very responsibly all my life.
But now my young daughter has created an issue between me and my wife.
We both want to tackle the situation differently.
I know I am right; I want a family friend to speak with her and reason out but its so uncomfortable to do that.
Is it okay if I discuss our family matters with them? I am feeling so unsure, but these differences with my wife are killing me.

2 Answers

LoveCoach Answered:

When dealing with issues with our intimate partner and family members, the number one thing you have to remember is honoring your partner. If she is uncomfortable discussing intimate family issues with extended family or friends, then you need to honor that. It is so much more than her being right or you being right. It is about the respect of the feelings of one another and unconditionally loving that person. Try to come from a place of heartfelt understanding...not just trying to understand why she feels that way, but really and truly feeling what she is feeling and why she is feeling this way. Perhaps by having this deeply intimate conversation you might even uncover why she feels this way and she could then possibly realize that it was unnecessary to feel that way or maybe not, the goal is just to honor her and her feelings and not doing anything to betray that trust, no matter what. As for the issue with the daughter, the two of you should sit down with the daughter , explain the "rules of engagement" for this conversation, and those being no attacking or abusive language, no use of blame, only laying out the facts of what has happened, what was said, how it made each party feel, how it was meant to be taken, and how you can all move on from this stronger and closer than ever. If you could do this, I am sure you will emerge a happier, healthier couple and family. I hope this reaches you if not in time to deal with this issue, then perhaps the next... I wish for you a life full of gratitude, abundance, and passion! <3

Fayeberg Answered:

I say it's completely okay to do that. What are family and friends for, after all? I think you are feeling hestitant because you have always given advice to others. Your friends and family have always come to you and looked up to you during critical times. But the reality of life is that we all need someone at some point. We can't always solve our own issues and we can use a little help at times. Please do not be ashamed or embarassed ever about seeking help. If you feel comfortable with the said person, go speak out that there is a difficulty you're facing with your wife and a little intervention from their end could remedy the matter a great deal. If your wife also respects and is comfortable around this person, then there is a greater chance she will be able to see things differently...

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